The Tight Acquaintances: Chaos Quest

Aug 10

After a run-in with The Breaker, cosmic deity of destruction, The Tight Acquaintances’ party finds itself split via an inter-dimensional rift.

Trapped in the Chaos Realm, half the party searches for a way back home through a new, unpredictable, ineffable dimension turned on its head. Meanwhile, the rest of the Acquaintances embark on a quest to return their lost party members to their side. The world around them may be familiar, but the dangers are much greater without the aid of their friends.

Can The Tight Acquaintances thwart the machinations of the Breaker and his brother, the Maker, unscathed and reunite? Click each session title to find out…or join us at Dad’s Garage Saturdays at 8 p.m. through September 26!

Get tickets to the next session!

Session 1: Enter the Chaos Realm

Phosstyrs, Pandora, Ennui, and Narcus find a creepy-looking treasure chest that, incredibly, provides an abundance of whatever they desire every time they open it.
Graves runs into the Draco Lich Marijuanicus the Dragon, who warns him of The Breaker as the two kindle an undeniable sexual tension between them.
Jasper comes across a haggard old man in a prison, begging to be put out of his misery. Jasper instead frees him, causing the old man to reveal himself as The Maker, brother-god of The Breaker.
The Maker de-materializes the entire party only for them to re-materialize, each alone in their own slightly different version of their beloved tavern, The Juggling Rooster. When they peer out the window of the tavern, they see an infinite horizon of Juggling Rooster taverns, each with another version of an Acquaintance peering through the window in an infinite gaze...

Session 2: The Isle of Snusnu

Somehow, the party—and especially Krirg—hold back their hatred towards him long enough to agree that helping him is the only way to save their friends.
The Breaker’s request involves a series of fetch quests. The first sends the party to Barbiebarian’s home, the secluded and secret Isle of Snusnu—a place forbidden to all men—where they must retrieve the Spark of the island.
Once there, Barbiebarian and the girls are welcomed by Mother Barbie with open plastic arms, and she explains that their Spark, a relic sacred to their people and the very thing the Acquaintances have come to retrieve, has gone missing.
Meanwhile, Skylar, Bart, and Krirg are imprisoned in the "Penis Hut", but escape after Krirg’s rage towards the gods boils over and he decides he must make a weapon to destroy them—and finding the Spark of the isle of Snusnu is the first thing he needs to make that happen.
The party reunites upon the peak of Mount Double Dees and vanquish the encampment of Ken dolls who have stolen the Spark. After the final Ken, the Alpha Ken, is destroyed, Barbiebarian retrieves the multifaceted pink crystal that is the Spark. But, curiously, it leaves her grasp and sockets itself into the skull of Krirg's mace.
Inside the facets of the crystal, the Acquaintances see the scared faces of their missing friends, and pray that they are safe…

Session 3: Heart’s Desire

For Pandora in the Suck and F*ck, this means that the sudden, unimaginable material wealth she unexpectedly discovered transforms into a living woman made of gold and jewels determined to marry her, thereby combining her two favorite things: jewels and a swift hookup.
For the (currently patronless) Narcus in the Shaft and Stones, the opportunity for senseless, bare-knuckled slaughter feeds his oft-ignored dark urges and waves away his usual inability to kick ass until he is roused from his destructive path by Pandora’s timely wedding invitation. Knowing that such a sudden wedding is surely a mistake Pandora would regret forever, Narcus finds Pandora and brings to her senses by slaughtering her future bride, who turned out to be evil. Their prize? The coolest dowsing rod in the world—and another multi-faceted gemstone not unlike the Spark from the Isle of Snusnu.
Meanwhile, in the Girthy Grandma, Ennui finds purpose for herself at the lead of a gaggle of French ghosts bent on Victor Hugo-esque revolution of their dimension, and leads them from the tavern into the outside world where the movement quickly falls apart after Ennui finds herself enraptured in a sudden menage a trois with two strangers in an alley—and then encounters her friends speaking with the Maker in the guise of a mischievous child.
The Maker explains that he made everything for the pleasure of the party, but he cannot take back what he makes. His feelings are deeply hurt by their refusal to play with him, and he creates a giant undead lizard to drive that point home. The ensuing fight was long, gnarly, and involves Ennui landing on a mountaintop after the coolest and most incredible backflip trick shot known to man and beast, but at its conclusion, only another mysterious, multifaceted gemstone remained where the corpse of the lizard should’ve been.

Session 4: The Mines of Neveretta (Meg’s Mashables crossover)

The adventuring party—Skylar, Krirg, Barbiebarian, Bandin, Bright, and Gnipple—find themselves lost and splintered as they delve into the mines to investigate. However, they do discover that source of the disturbances is also the source of the mine’s sudden acquisition of new labor: magical portals to the world of Mashlandia opened within the mines, and the Mashables—adorable creatures made from two ordinary things combined into one fantastical thing—had been wandering through.
Barbiebarian and Bandin prove their idiocy as they bumble through the mines and beat the crap out of one another in confusion. They do nothing useful whatsoever, though Barbiebarian is forced to confront that women can be just as complicit as men in atrocities born of class, race, gender, and greed when she witnesses how cruel Skylar’s mother is.
Meanwhile, in a separate mine shaft, Gnipple and Bright grow closer as they, briefly, find themselves the foster parents of a baby fleep (flamingo and sheep) they free from enslavement before returning it home to Mashlandia. Such an experience could be the start of a new romance…maybe.
Krirg and Skylar—accompanied by Skylar’s sheltered and naive blue-eyed, white-scaled little brother—discover the source of the disturbances. An adorable (and relatively harmless) Meowgon (cat dragon) had gathered all the gems in the mine to be its shiny hoard, and was thrilled to have visitors in the form of “challengers” (read: playmates). Unfortunately, Skylar’s evil parents chose that moment to enter the mines themselves and chastise Skylar once again for being an eternal disappointment—and threaten the life of the oblivious Meowgon.
The party slaughters Skylar’s parents (which admittedly does something to help resolve Skylar’s family trauma and divest himself of his looksmaxxing phase) and return the Mashables to Mashlandia. In the aftermath, Krirg takes a hard stance on what it means to be an ally in the fight for intersectional solidarity: he banishes Skylar’s dumbass brother for discovering, and failing to work through, his blue-eyes white dragon guilt and fragility.
Wordlessly, Skylar’s brother presents a multifaceted jewel, this one clear like purified water, and it joins the pink Spark from the Isle of Snusnu inside the skull of Krirg’s mace.

Session 5: Graves and Jasper

Perhaps most dramatic example is that of Graves, the lone surviving orphan from a small village burned by a wandering monster, who earned his name from the graves he was found digging for his fellow orphans when a band of rogues found him mute, alone, and charred. These things the Maker cannot unmake, nor can he unmake the creature that did this to Graves’ village—which, he reveals, is still alive. (The creature’s existence is, as one might say, a Resident Evil within the realm.)
Nor can the Maker unmake Jasper’s choice to have stolen a red, multifaceted gem of great power from the Red Wizards of Thay—another mysterious stone from the same set of gems the Tight Acquaintances have found during their adventures. The Maker cannot unmake Jasper’s choice to cripple the Red Wizards this way, nor can he unmake the many days Jasper has spent running from them as a result of this act.
Most of all, the Maker cannot unmake the unhappiness of the Acquaintances trapped in the Chaos Realm, so he shows them the way to a portal that will return them home to the Kingdom of the Five Crossings. But in a twist of fate, the party encounters a wandering monster—a Goliath construct; and the same creature that destroyed Graves’ village.
The nigh-invulnerable construct nearly kills the entire party, but in a moment of fury and desperation, Graves finally uses his sword to channel the dark power of Asmodeus, and Jasper—well. Jasper reveals and exploits the monster’s weakness, and in turn sacrifices both his staff and the comforting unknown of his final secret: the construct is a Red Wizard creation, and it pursued the party because it is after the red stone. More specifically, Tzim Tzam the Goliath construct is Jasper’s creation, and therefore Jasper feels he is responsible for the destruction of Graves’ village.
Graves cannot accept this news with grace, nor can he raise his sword against a repentant Jasper. The old wizard may have been the source of his life’s unmaking, but he is still his Tight Acquaintance!

The five gems The Acquaintances collected—one purple, one gold, one blue, one aquamarine, and one red—prove to be the power source to activate the portal connecting the Chaos Realm to the Kingdom of the Five Crossings, and Graves’ demonically-powered sword is the key to activate it. Unfortunately, someone must keep it in place for it to remain open, and Graves, who refuses to share his premeditated thoughts, intends to be the one to remain behind. But Jasper refuses to let him, and instead forces Graves into the portal and remains behind with the Maker.
This is his atonement: to remain in the Chaos Realm and make things together with the lonely Maker, forever.

Session 6: The Looted Lute

This standalone adventure takes place in a happier time before the party was split between dimensions and features special guest Dungeon Master Mark Meer and player character Amelia Tyler.

Fey deals are binding for all of time (including deals involving the knowledge of one’s name) and they are extremely serious business in the Fey Wilds. The Sisters Three, a triplet of hags, demand the chronically forgetful and accident-prone Sparks repay her debt to them by retrieving a lute from The Brothers Two. It’s a fetch quest!
What did the Sisters Three give Sparks to incur such a debt in the first place? A shiny, glittering disco ball—the shine of which inspires Pandora to make a deal for a ludicrous amount of gems with a fey if it’s the last thing she does.
After a series of violations to the portal bylaws and a cruel amount of walking, the Acquaintances encounter the Brothers Two—a two-headed ettin. The less bright of the heads isn’t sure about what sort of deal he should make, but his brother, a well-read lawyer, is happy to trade their lute to the Acquaintances in exchange for their names, which Krirg of all people somehow managed to extract from them in a moment of trickery. Meanwhile, Sparks, under the direction of Greta’s horny hand, snuck behind the ettin brothers and stole the lute despite the fact that there was no need to do such a thing in the first place.
The Sisters Three, placated by their debt repaid, returned the Acquaintances to the Cock and Balls—only for the Brothers Two to crash through the door and insist their debt be repayed with something else as they could not locate the lute they agreed to give the Acquaintances in return for their names!

Before anyone can say anything, Pandora demands a giant’s wheelbarrow full of sparkling diamonds—and the ettin brothers oblige in a spectacular display of wealth and excess that ends—uncharacteristically—happily for all.

Session 7

Come find out what happens next!

Session 8

Come find out what happens in the campaign finale!

Lillian Boff