SCANDAL! The Bare - Season 1

Written By Lillian Boff

Did your shift in the kitchen keep you from catching every episode in season 1 of SCANDAL! The Bare—or do you need a refresher of the plot so far before season 2 opens in September 2026?

Our SCANDAL! reporter connect Erich Mees plated the freshest, hottest twists and turns for you every week so that you can stay up-to-date on the newest, most SCANDAL!ous serial drama served to you from Dad’s Garage.

Journalist Erich Mees poses with his notebook surrounded by the cast of SCANDAL! The Bare. Photo by Casey Gardner Ford.

 

In the high pressure, eat-or-be-eaten food service industry, you either adapt or you die.

When enterprising and pretentious Head Chef Shermie (Kevin Gillese) jettisons his corporate chain brand and sponsorship, WTFridays, in favor of a fine dining concept in Atlanta’s Old Fourth Ward, he thrusts himself and his team into the depths of a 500°F broiler of struggle, triumph, fear, and joy as they work to see the table of their future trimmed and set with a meal of success—and not the burnt and inedible disaster of financial and professional ruin.

Will their plucky eatery overcome near-constant family drama, stubborn staff, and kitchen cock-ups to become a golden-brown, tender, and succulent Atlanta phoenix, or will it languish in the ruined, rancid Krog Street tunnel drippings as a lame duck investment?

Photography by Chelsea Patricia.

Poster design by Lily Stancill.

 

Episode Guide

Episode 1: The Bare

In the parking lot outside restaurant franchise W.T.Friday’s, the new owner and head chef Shermie thanked his uncle, “Unc”, for his financial support.

Unc assured him that, as his godfather, he’s always ready to support him…and to prove it, he’s just done Shermie a favor.‍ ‍

  • Unc explained that Fat Joey Giuseppe’s regular caterers got hit by a Marta train, so Unc got Shermie the gig of cooking for Fat Joey’s daughter’s wedding—that evening. Shermie protested that he couldn’t do such a big job on such short notice (especially for gangsters), until Unc informed him they’d be getting $40,000.

    Cousin, the restaurant’s expo, was working in the kitchen when the new sous-chef, Adelaide, arrived. Cousin tested the newcomer by challenging her to bread the calamari rings in 30 seconds; Adelaide easily bested that challenge. Cousin (who kept getting Adelaide’s name wrong, calling her “Lemonade”) welcomed Adelaide, but warned her that she wouldn’t want to stay at this restaurant. Before she could explain why, the manager Stevia came in to get Adelaide on-boarded. As Stevia led Adelaide into the office, Adelaide congratulated Stevia on her pregnancy. Stevia thanked her, noting that nobody else in the restaurant had ever acknowledged it. Just then, line chef Tammy and pastry chef Junior burst into the office, complaining about the last-minute wedding gig. Junior in particular refused to do the job, as it wasn’t on the schedule. When Stevia pointed out that sometimes emergencies come up, Junior explained that he grew up doing time in juvie, and had grown to rely on regimented schedules.

    The wing chef ABC was talking to maintenance worker Lenny about the wedding gig, noting that he had nothing to do because they weren’t ordering wings, so he had some free time to spend with Lenny. Lenny explained that he had a lot of tasks to deal with, including maintaining the temperature in the walk-in freezer. The mention of temperature got ABC thinking about the thermodynamics of cooking; he theorized that if he cooked at twice the temperature, it would be ready in half the time…and if they cooked hot enough, the food would be ready before they even started. Lenny mentioned that if he wanted to get REALLY hot, he knew a guy with a Russian jet engine.

    Shermie was buying a palette full of food at the grocery store when he ran into his old girlfriend Molly. They caught up on old times; he explained that he had to quit culinary school to take over his father’s restaurant. She talked about bad dating experiences; her last date stood her up. He asked if she’d be interested in dinner or coffee some time, and she said she was free tonight. Since he had a wedding to cater, he asked if there was any other time that worked for her. She explained that tonight was her only free night, since she was starting her residency at the Pitt and would be too busy for the foreseeable future. Shermie assured her that he could make tonight work.

    Shermie arrived in the kitchen to bring Adelaide up to speed, as the rest of the staff rushed in and out to prepare the meal. Just then, Unc came in with some more “good news”: they can expect an extra 100 guests. Cousin announced that she was bowing out of this gig, declaring that she was “just not feeling it.” Instead, she went back to watching skateboarding-cat videos on her phone. Shermie asked Tammy to cover Cousin’s station, much to Tammy’s frustration. Unc came in with another announcement: the groom is allergic to crustaceans. Panicking, Shermie ordered the calamari cancelled, until Junior pointed out that squids aren’t crustaceans. Just then, Unc came in and corrected himself: the groom’s allergic to molluscs. Shermie ordered for the calamari rings to be changed to cheese rings. Just then, Unc came in and corrected himself again: the groom’s actually allergic to charcuterie. (SHERMIE: “What does that even mean? That’s many different things!”) The scene went into slow-motion as the staff rushed to prepare the ever-changing order.

    Meanwhile, Lenny had hooked up a 30-year-old Soviet shuttle engine to the natural gas line, talking to ABC as the hammering drowned out their conversation. Stevia came out to investigate the noise, and was overwhelmed by the smell of rocket fuel. Upset by the shenanigans, Stevia pointed out that she needs to keep her blood pressure down. ABC recommended that she watch skateboard cat videos to calm down. ABC and Lenny explained that with this engine, they could cook the food super-fast. ABC suggested that they could probably also bring the temperature down in the freezer by bringing it up in the kitchen. (LENNY: “About these laws of thermodynamics, how serious are you about following them?”) With that, they ignited the engine.

    Molly was at the Olive Garden, eating breadsticks as she waited for Shermie to arrive for their date.

    Meanwhile, the restaurant was in chaos as the staff rushed to fill the orders, and the temperature rose dramatically thanks to the rocket launching outside. The engine had propelled itself onto ABC’s head, and Lenny tried desperately to hack it off as Stevia looked on in shock. Inside, the heat and stress overwhelmed Junior, causing him to throw up onto the food as they were preparing it…which, in turn, made everyone else puke as well.

    ABC and Lenny were airlifted to the Pitt to be treated for their injuries; Lenny explained that Soviet rockets had no safety standards. Molly arrived and examined them. ABC said that when his head was in the engine, he saw the cosmos…or God, it’s hard to say which. As Molly bandaged ABC’s burns (prompting Lenny to ask “Ooh, is he gonna be a cool mummy?”), he asked her how her date went. She replied that Shermie didn’t show. Changing the subject, he asked what it was like working in the Pitt. (“It’s a lot like the ER, but legally distinct.”) As she examined Lenny for fuel inhalation (prompting him to ask, “Ooh, am I gonna be a mummy?”), ABC told Lenny that he was disappointed in him (“I think you took a risk with my life”). Lenny admitted that he’d been reckless…and that he’d also endangered the pregnant Stevia by igniting an unsafe Soviet rocket around her. (“Best case scenario, her baby has super powers now.”) They observed that she really should have been airlifted to the hospital along with them. ABC informed Lenny that perhaps they’d be better off as co-workers than as friends. Upset, Lenny declared “I think I DID get burned,” and ran out. Molly reassured ABC that friends sometimes fight; in return, ABC told her that boyfriends and girlfriends did too.

    Unc was on the phone with Fat Joey Giuseppe, trying to assure him that everything was good. He promised him that the dinner would be served as scheduled, and it may come with a “special sauce.” To make up for any inconvenience, her promised to provide special entertainment: the skateboarding cat. The call ended with Unc answering a question from Fat Joey: “Why yes, I DO value my life.”

    Shermie and Cousin tried to figure out a game plan to salvage “another horseshit day at cup fuck,” as Cousin put it. Shermie asked Cousin why she does what she does, and she replied “What else am I gonna do?” She compared their situation to that guy rolling the boulder uphill, “Cicero.” Shermie replied that he’s in it because he believes in “the chain restaurant experience.” Cousin quipped that he messed up that experience. Just then, Shermie noticed that all the calamari had been incinerated by the engine. He saw a way to salvage the situation by serving calamari dust as a designer drug.

    Stevia was recovering in the office when Junior came in to check on her. He apologized for vomiting on the food, saying that he’s never been good at anything, and now he’s ruined everything. She assured him that it was all right. He asked how she and the baby were doing, and she replied that they were fine; she’s spent so much time in tanning beds that it protected the baby. However, she was upset that when the rocket went off, she said something horrible, telling the baby that it spoiled everything. Junior told her that she’s done everything she can in a hard situation. She apologized for shooting down his idea of serving yeast rolls at the wedding; he replied “Fuck the yeast rolls,” then apologized for swearing in front of the baby. Stevia assured him “It’s all right, he can’t hear it unless you yell into my vaginal canal.” Junior noted that he hadn’t really had anyone in his life since his parents sent him to juvie. (STEVIA: “Wait, they SENT you to juvie? You didn’t do anything to earn it?”) They decided that they could be there for each other, and Junior started by touching up her make-up for her.

     Adelaide and Tammy were catching their breath in the kitchen after serving the “calamari cocaine.” Tammy reflected that she could have fixed up something with what they had in the kitchen, like lasagna. Adelaide told Tammy that she should have spoken up, but Tammy replied “Sometimes when you speak out, you get thrown out.” Adelaide remembered how she had gotten thrown out of her last job managing a Chuck E. Cheese. Tammy remarked that Adelaide reminded her partly of her son Kendrick Lamar (“not that one, no relation”) and partly of herself.

    Shermie was smoking in the alley when Unc came in with good news and bad news: Good news, the gangsters loved the calamari cocaine; bad news, he had to spend the $40,000 to book the skateboard cat. Unc realized he had made a mistake and put Shermie in a bad position. Shermie accepted Unc’s apology, nothing how hard it is to admit a mistake. They reminisced about Shermie’s father, who’d been gone for 28 days (“Nearly a month…unless that month is February, then it IS a month.”) Shermie said he didn’t think he was cut out for this job. Unc angrily pointed out that he’d invested a lot of money in putting Shermie in charge. Just then, Molly brought ABC and Lenny back from the hospital. Sensing the awkwardness, Unc, Lenny, and ABC left to give Shermie and Molly some privacy, with ABC leaving very slowly (“My entire body is burned!”) Molly complained that he never showed up at the Olive Garden, and she ate 60 breadsticks waiting for him. As Shermie apologized, Molly’s pager went off. She told Shermie that she’s essential to the hospital, but she wasn’t sure if she was essential to him.

    After the wedding, the staff gathered for a “family dinner,” with Tammy serving lasagna. Shermie realized “We should have made THAT!” Junior replied that they’re “not about the woulda, coulda, shoulda…it’s about what happened, good or bad.” Shermie reminded them all of the restaurant’s slogan: “When you’re here, it’s Friday.”

    TO BE CONTINUED…

 

Episode 2: Deconstructed Lasagna

Shermie and Stevia’s mother Donna phoned and left a voicemail as she made her way to the restaurant, instructing them to make sure they fix her a lasagna with the old family recipe, sending Shermie and Stevia into a panic.

  • Shermie had switched from his grandfather’s recipe to a new “lasagna-adjacent” deconstructed version with the ingredients laid out separately (“If you put each bite together, it resembles lasagna!”) He was certain that their mother wouldn’t appreciate his vision. They remembered their childhood, and how Stevia always covered for Shermie and picked up the pieces, and Stevia swore that she wasn’t going to raise her baby the way Donna raised them. She remembered how the family only had enough money to send Shermie to camp, and she never got to go to Girl Scout camp. Shermie promised that he would make sure Stevia’s child would get to go to Girl Scout camp…even if it’s a boy.

    Donna arrived and startled Adelaide in the kitchen. Donna asked if Adelaide had seen her kids “Charmin” and “Stavia.” She introduced herself as Donna Fridays, explaining that W.T.Fridays is her family’s restaurant. Adelaide showed Donna the new dish she was preparing: skinless potato skins, a new recipe for vegans who don’t eat skin.

    Tammy, Junior, and ABC were hanging out when Lenny arrived and announced that he had three tickets to the Marietta Braves baseball game. ABC was thrilled, declaring that he’d never been to a ballgame before. Junior happily remembered playing baseball in juvie. Tammy said that she didn’t really care that much for baseball. Nevertheless, Lenny gave the tickets to Junior and Tammy, deliberately excluding ABC. Tammy offered to give her ticket to ABC, but Lenny refused to let her. Lenny, Junior, and Tammy headed out to the game. When Tammy mentioned how sad ABC looked, Lenny explained that when they were in the emergency room, ABC told Lenny he didn’t want to be friends anymore, just because Lenny had nearly killed him. Tammy said that Lenny shouldn’t believe everything ABC says; as an example, she said that ABC once told her that her boobs were lopsided…which they are, but he was wrong to say it. She then revealed that her lopsided boobs served like a divining rod, and she demonstrated by using them to find oil.

    Cousin was chopping onions in the kitchen when Shermie came in. Cousin mentioned meeting Donna, and told Shermie that his mom’s really hot. Shermie didn’t want to hear that, so he changed the subject to discuss his new deconstructed lasagna recipe. Cousin flat-out refused to make it, and went back to chopping onions. She explained that she makes herself strong by chopping onions until she stops crying. Cousin sarcastically mocked the deconstructed recipe: “You can IMAGINE the tomato sauce!” Shermie stormed out.

    In a split-screen scene, Adelaide and Shermie commiserated over the poor reception his new ideas had received, while Cousin and ABC commiserated over Lenny’s rejection of ABC. Shermie asked Adelaide to run interference and stop his mother from ordering lasagna. Cousin suggested that ABC should consider the idea that maybe Lenny’s just an asshole.

    Donna and Adelaide were sitting at the table when Stevia entered. Donna immediately declared “Oh my God, your hair is so flat!”, and pulled out a can of hairspray to tease her daughter’s hair right there. When Stevia protested, Donna complained “Is this the thanks I get for carrying you for ten months, not nine?” Donna then “greeted” her unborn grandchild by kissing Stevia’s belly. Donna ordered some lasagna, and Adelaide tried to put her off by saying they’d run out of meat and wheat. She offered to go out and get the ingredients, but said it might take a few days. Donna insisted on lasagna, and Adelaide finally agreed, but mentioned that Shermie had “some new ideas” for it. Stevia changed the subject by angrily pointing out that throughout this whole time, Donna had been smoking around a pregnant woman. Donna replied that she had smoked every day while she was pregnant with Stevia; that did not reassure her.

    Lenny, Tammy and Junior were at the ballgame, when Lenny began crying over his breakup with his best friend. Lenny remembered a past ballgame when Shermie & Stevia’s dad saved Lenny’s life by catching a foul ball that was about to hit him. Just then, another foul ball flew towards Lenny’s head.

    Cousin and ABC were chopping onions in the kitchen when Shermie came in and ordered them to fix a deconstructed lasagna, declaring that a restaurant has to run with discipline and order. He asked Cousin what her problem was, and she told him that his new ideas don’t make any sense. He acknowledged that she’d made her point, then ordered her to stop chopping onions and get to work on the lasagna. She threatened to shove an onion so far up his ass that he would puke it out. He replied that he’d love to see her try…so she did.

    Rapid-fire cross-cutting between the different scenes: The baseball hit Lenny. Donna furiously sprayed hairspray at Stevia. Cousin did indeed shove an onion up Shermie’s ass; in turn, Shermie threw chopped onions into Cousin’s & ABC’s eyes. Lenny fell out of the stands, and Junior tried to pull him to safety only to be dragged down as well. Tammy grabbed Junior and started pulling them both up. Donna furiously shouted “WHERE’S THE LASAGNA?”

    Later, Donna was waiting in the office when Shermie entered. She lectured “Sharman” that she’d arrived three hours ago and he was only just now seeing her. He complained that he hated when she called him Sharman, and they recalled why she gave him that name…when she was pregnant, she couldn’t reach her ass, and had to keep asking “Pass the Charmin.” One of Donna’s earrings fell off, and Shermie went to fetch it. When she said that the earring had been passed down from her grandmother, Shermie suggested that maybe some things shouldn’t be passed down…like lasagna recipes.

    After the ballgame, Lenny, Junior and Tammy were drunk at a Waffle House, reflecting on their near-death experience and getting philosophical (“Have you ever really LOOKED at a waffle?”). They considered the waffle as a metaphor for life: empty squares filled with butter and syrup. As Junior rushed to the restroom to throw up, Tammy told Lenny that she was feeling his pain, and suggested that Lenny should pretend that she’s ABC so that Lenny could let out his feelings. Lenny told “ABC” that he hadn’t been a good friend, and maybe he didn’t deserve ABC’s friendship. Junior returned as Lenny was pouring out his heart to “ABC”; confused, Junior pointed out “That’s Tammy.”

    Cousin was in the kitchen, a bandage over her right eye from her onion injury. Stevia entered, and they discussed everything that was going on. Cousin asked if she could be brutally honest, then said that based on everything she knew about Stevia & her family, Stevia was NOT going to be a good mom, “so don’t be disappointed when you fuck up.” Stevia retorted “Are you so fucking miserable that you have to make everyone else miserable?” She then pointed out that all Cousin ever does is chop onions that the restaurant never uses. Cousin revealed that she donates the onions to a children’s shelter.

    ABC went to see Shermie in the office to discuss his issues with Lenny. ABC sad that he had worked with Anwar Sadat to negiotiate peace in the Middle East, and that was less stressful than dealing with Lenny. ABC said that he had apologized enough, and now he needed Shermie to mediate. Shermie said that he’d had enough of mediating with his own family, and that ABC needed to deal with his own issues and get back to his job.

    Adelaide had just finished preparing the deconstructed lasagna when Lenny, Tammy, Junior, and Cousin entered the kitchen to see the results. Adelaide explained all the aspects of it: On one side, there’s milk and apple cider vinegar, for the customer to make their own cheese. On the other side, the pasta was crumbled into lasagna grits. There’s no oregano, but the oregano was in the room as it was being prepared. They tried it, and were surprised by how good it was…it’s not just food, but a food journey. (LENNY: “I hated it until I finished it, then I loved it!”)

    The staff/family gathered in the dining room to serve the new recipe. Cousin flirted with Donna shamelessly. In the middle of everything, ABC announced “I quit” and walked out, to no reaction from anyone else. Adelaide explained the deconstructed lasagna to Donna. (“A sprig of oregano watched me make it.”) Donna tasted it and began crying. When Shermie asked if that was good or bad, Donna declared “It’s amazing.”

    TO BE CONTINUED…

 

Episode 3: Death and Taxes and Raccoon Milk

Stevia gathered Shermie and Cousin in the dining room to discuss the restaurant’s financial situation: they’ve received a letter from the IRS, and it’s so serious that it’s handwritten.

  • Stevia explained to Shermie that their dad had been running the restaurant for years without ever filing taxes. Cousin already knew, because they’d helped gather up the papers and burn them in a bonfire with Shermie’s dad. Stevia had a confession of her own: she couldn’t handle the situation because she never completed her business classes at Valdosta. She had disenrolled and given the money to Shermie to help him take over the restaurant.

    Shermie was taken aback to learn that Stevia had lied about her education, but wanted to get back to the topic of Cousin burning the documents. Cousin explained, “Have you ever wondered what Druids used to do?”, then described dancing naked around a tax-document bonfire.

    As Stevia went to the office to retrieve this year’s documents, Shermie read the handwritten notice: “By order of royal decree, W.T.Fridays owes $37,000.”

    Cousin suggested that it was time for another Druid bonfire, but Stevia retorted that it was time to buckle down and do their taxes. Cousin reluctantly agreed to help, but had one request: “Once you start pumping, can I get some of that breast milk?”

    Having quit last episode, ABC telephoned the restaurant to retrieve his belongings. When Junior answered the phone, ABC asked how the restaurant was doing. Junior assured him that the restaurant was thriving, and ABC unconvincingly replied that he was thriving as well. ABC explained that he was starting a new business: it’s like UberEats, but he makes sure that the food arrives fresh and hot by cooking it right there in the customer’s home.

    JUNIOR: “Like some sort of cooking prostitute?”

    ABC: “I don’t know how you got prostitution from that.”

    ABC asked Junior to check ABC’s locker so he could pick up his things. Junior wasn’t sure ABC was allowed back in the restaurant, so all he could promise was to leave ABC’s stuff in the alley for him to pick up.

    Later, ABC came to the alley to collect his stuff, when he ran into Lenny. Lenny insisted “You can’t be here; this is company property!” (despite ABC pointing out that the alley is public), and blocked ABC from entering by arranging the trash cans into a barricade. When ABC asked how Lenny was doing, Lenny replied that he’d been picking up a lot of slack because SOMEONE quit without notice. Lenny had to take over ABC’s wing-chef job, and he was now constantly covered in Baharat…and he may have given a customer food poisoning.

    They argued about ABC quitting, with ABC pointing out that he quit because Lenny wouldn’t let him apologize and be friends again. (Lenny: “When we try to be friends, I burn your skin off!”) As they argued, Shermie passed by and warned Lenny that his barricade was a fire hazard. As Lenny started to remove the obstacles, he hugged ABC and started crying.

    ABC extricated himself from the Baharat-covered embrace and said he had to go. After his departure, Junior came out to tell Lenny that his wings sucked and that he probably killed a customer. As Lenny tried to explain his situation, Junior tried to convince Lenny that ABC’s quitting meant that he wasn’t a good friend, if he couldn’t overlook a little thing like Lenny giving him third-degree burns. (“If you burned my skin off, it would be no thang.”) Shermie came out once again and yelled that the fire hazard was still in place.

    Tammy was training Adelaide in the kitchen. Adelaide was thrilled to be learning from such an experienced cook, since Adelaide had only cooked at Chuck E. Cheese before. Taken aback by Adelaide’s inexperience, Tammy said “Let’s get you started on salads.”

    Adelaide felt like she’d been demoted, but Tammy said she was only looking out for her because Shermie could be REALLY unforgiving. Tammy declared that she had 55 years’ experience making salads, then corrected that to 25 years. Just then, Shermie walked in and warned them that the shrimp alfredo was a fire hazard. After he left, Adelaide and Tammy decided to each make their own salad to see how they compare.

    Shermie, Stevia, and Cousin settled in to start doing the taxes, since Cousin is surprisingly good with numbers. They discussed Cousin’s request for Stevia’s breast milk, and Cousin explained that they’d just always been curious. To assuage Cousin’s curiosity, Shermie explained that it tastes like the milk left over after a bowl of Cap’n Crunch…which just made Cousin and Stevia curious how HE knew.

    Lenny ran in and said that people were dying from the wings…and he needed another W40 form, since he was now working two jobs. As Lenny rushed out again, Stevia ran up to the office and threw down a bunch of paperwork. Suddenly, Lenny rushed back in from the alley.

    LENNY: “I got 4 raccoons out there!”

    COUSIN: “Are they lactating?”

    LENNY: “All of them!”

    Meanwhile, in the alley, ABC was getting ready for his first customer in his new online-order cooking service, DongDash. He lifted the lid off the trash can and saw that it had Captain America’s shield painted on the inside; he reacted with an amused “Oh, Lenny.”

    Looking inside the trash can, he saw that it still had some rocket fuel inside. Realizing that he could use that fuel for cooking, ABC lit a match and threw it in.

    In the kitchen, Adelaide and Tammy worked on their respective salads; Adelaide was unsure if they were collaborating or competing. When Junior walked in, they asked him to judge the salads. He agreed, noting that he had experience doing taste-tests while he was in juvie.

    The scenes began cross-cutting rapidly: As Junior tasted the salads in the kitchen, Cousin frantically did taxes in the dining room, and ABC faced a raging fire in the alley. Lenny ran into the dining room and announced that he had successfully milked a raccoon. Shermie smelled smoke and realized there was a fire in the alley. ABC tried to get away, but discovered that he was blocked by a fire hazard.

    After tasting both salads, Junior noted that one was a good, classic Caesar salad, but the second was downright ethereal. He asked Tammy what she called it, but Tammy had to admit that the one he preferred was Adelaide’s.  As Junior congratulated Adelaide, Tammy threw her own salad in the trash. Adelaide apologized and pointed out that she had offered a collaboration instead of a competition. Tammy asked Junior if he’d been eating or smoking anything that might have messed up his palate. He replied that Adelaide’s salad really was just that good, but Tammy refused to believe that…until she tried it for herself.

    In the dining room, Shermie asked Stevia how she was doing. She explained that she had forgotten her folic acid and it was making her emotional; she further explained that she constantly had to look like she knows what she’s doing, and that’s what drove her to lying. Shermie assured her that he would make any sacrifice for her, including drinking her breast milk. When she pointed out that she didn’t want him to do that, he pondered, “What put that idea in my head that you DID want me to?”

    Getting back to her original train of thought, she said that she wanted to actually be the kind of person she’d been pretending to be. Shermie told her “Sometimes you tell so many lies that they become the truth.”  Suddenly, Shermie realized that he smelled smoke. As Stevia left to check it out, Cousin entered, sharing inappropriate anecdotes with the IRS agent on the phone. Shermie thanked Cousin for helping out with the taxes, expressing surprise at their mathematical skills.

    Cousin pointed out their many surprising skills: chopping chives, making balloon animals, guessing people’s shoe sizes, etc. Shermie asked Cousin what it was like working with Shermie’s dad.

    COUSIN: “He made me the man I am today. Let’s not talk about that.”

    SHERMIE: “Your gender?”

    Junior and Lenny rushed out to the alley to investigate the smoke, and found ABC lying motionless. They checked his pulse and determined that he was still alive. Lenny grabbed his toolbox to “fix” ABC, but Junior pointed out Lenny’s tendency to fuck things up. Undaunted, Lenny attempted to revive ABC with a mixture of beer and raccoon milk.

    Stevia arrived; when Lenny explained his plan, Stevia agreed to help by administering the raccoon milk (“It’s got folic acid!”) to ABC mouth-to-mouth, baby-bird style. Stevia and Junior took turns performing mouth-to-mouth until ABC revived and declared “What the fuck?”

    In the kitchen, Tammy and Adelaide put aside their differences by collaborating on a blend of Tammy’s Caesar salad and Adelaide’s Green Goddess salad (“It’s like Caesar if he was a goddess!”)

    Meanwhile, Shermie, Stevia & Cousin submitted their tax forms to the IRS. Cousin noted that Lenny had served some wings to the IRS guy, and he probably won’t make it—so they really have nothing to worry about.

    Cousin told Shermie and Stevia how much their father respected them: Stevia for her intelligence, and Shermie for his culinary skill.

    In the alley, Lenny, Junior, and ABC apologized to each other, and Lenny asked ABC to come back because Lenny was no good as a wing chef (“I killed a guy, and then I killed another guy, but apparently that was a good thing.”) Lenny asked ABC to take back his Baharat-covered hat as his symbol of office, and ABC accepted it. They all hugged.

    TO BE CONTINUED…

 

Episode 4: The Leaning Tower of Pita (Ok, So It’s Not Pita Bread, But How Could We Resist the Pun?)

As Tammy Lamar and her son Kendrick Lamar (NOT that one) were on MARTA en route to W.T.Fridays, Kendrick explained he started his own business with his friend Darnell, the “guy who can get things done”.

  • He assured her, “It’s not all nefarious…MOST of it…”

    Tammy told Kendrick she wasn’t going to tell him how to live his life, “but if you want to kill your Mama, go right ahead.”

    In the dining room, Shermie and Stevia were discussing the new drink menu, but Stevia was concerned with other matters…Shermie still hadn’t RSVP’d to her baby shower, and she was beginning to believe that the restaurant was more important to Shermie than his family. He explained that the restaurant issues were urgent; as an example, he pointed out that the new cocktail is Sprite Zero & vodka, and they’ve run out of Sprite Zero.

    Just then, Tammy arrived and introduced Kendrick to them. Stevia asked Tammy how her baby shower for Kendrick went, and Shermie asked Kendrick if his family was emotionally manipulative. Sensing that they’d intruded on something, Tammy left to stock up on Sprite Zero. Just afterwards, a news report announced a citywide shortage of Sprite Zero. As Shermie panicked, Kendrick put on his shades to assume his role as “the guy to call.” Kendrick assured Shermie that he could get a guy who could get them what Shermie needs. Shermie wasn’t sure he could meet Kendrick’s price, so he and Stevia discussed paying him off with the watch Shermie’s dad had left to him. They decided that their dad would want them to keep the restaurant going. Shermie told Stevia that she would need to drive, since he had a DUI.

    At a nearby elementary school, Junior delivered a “scared straight” speech about his experiences in juvie to the kids. When one heckled him, he went out into the audience to face them. He explained why he went to juvie: he was working at Six Flags/White Water, and when he saw families who only had enough money for one ice cream, he would give those kids as much as they wanted, until he got fired for embezzling. He warned the kids “Don’t believe in Six Flags, it’s just RED flags everywhere!”

    Later, in the kitchen, Junior told Lenny and Tammy about his speech. Lenny said that it must have been a great speech, since he’d seen the shellshocked kids coming out of the school. Tammy asked “You drive by a school every day?” Lenny clarified that he just passes by the school on his way to work, but the more he tried to explain it, the worse he made himself look. Junior said that he had to give another speech to a middle school later, and he was worried he might not get through to him. Tammy suggested that maybe Junior should just go to therapy. He replied that that’s too much talking, and he had learned in juvie to just shut up. Tammy explained that Junior needed to help himself before he could help the kids, but Junior would rather just give up instead. Lenny declared that without Junior’s help, “those kids are DEAD! I’m gonna drive by to make sure they’re safe.”

    In the dining room, ABC showed Adelaide some viral videos of Junior’s school speech, then explained about his new business, DongDash. (“So it’s Doordash with a wig on it?”) ABC explained that he comes to the customers’ homes, cooks a meal for them, and they can even watch and learn to cook. Adelaide suggested making the “watch and learn” part mandatory. Unc came in and overheard the business plan, and liked the idea. (“I go out to restaurants, 9 times out of 10 someone gets whacked. This could be that experience without the whacking!”) Unc said that this idea could be big, but ABC would need more chefs than just himself. ABC envisioned the future success (“One billion Dongs served!”), then explained how the system works, with him making what he can out of the food the customer already has in the house. Unc was taken aback: “So I gotta go grocery shopping?”

    Shermie, Stevia, and Kendrick were sneaking through the docks for their Sprite Zero haul. Stevia asked if Kendrick’s guy had any Tylenol-3 for her, but he said that’s a different guy at a different dock. Kendrick told them that his guy had left the warehouse open, so they just needed to watch for the guard dogs. Stevia said that she was good with dogs, especially now that she’s pregnant. Suddenly, Kendrick realized that Shermie smelled like meat due to his work at the restaurant, and he was attracting the dogs. As Stevia lured the dogs away with a Blueberry Lara Bar, Kendrick and Shermie seized the opportunity to get the Sprite Zero.

    Backstage at the middle school auditorium, Lenny and Tammy were getting Junior psyched up for his speech. Tammy told Junior that she’d had 5 kids, so she knew he could connect to kids with coolness. Junior protested that he’d never been cool, but they pointed out that he’s the coolest person at the restaurant (not that that’s saying much). Lenny advised Junior to single out one kid and stab him…with knowledge. They all started chanting “Stab the kid with the knowledge.”

    At Unc’s house, ABC and Adelaide demonstrated the DongDash experience. They asked Unc to bring out his food so they could see what they could make from it Unc protested “How much work do I have to do?” Grumbling, he brought out all the groceries he had brought…all bread. ABC and Adelaide declared that they could work with that.

    Rapid cross-cutting between scenes: Junior got psyched up for his speech. Shermie & Kendrick hauled out the Sprite Zero. ABC & Adelaide constructed a massive tower of bread, which started collapsing, right towards Unc; Unc fell back on his chair and broke it (for real). The dogs started chasing Shermie. ABC & Adelaide checked on Unc and declared “He’s not breathing!” Junior made his speech. Shermie and Kendrick made it into the car and shouted for Stevia to get in with them.

    Later, Shermie and Kendrick arrived at the restaurant after their narrow escape, surprised with themselves that they left Stevia behind…and the worst part is, they didn’t even get the Sprite Zero, since they had to ditch their load to get away. Shermie wondered if Stevia was going to be mad. Just then, Adelaide rushed in with bad news: “Unc got whacked!” She explained that a tower of bread fell on him, he wasn’t breathing, and they called 911. Shermie asked if Adelaide knew what the word “whacked” meant, and she answered “When someone gets badly injured.” Shermie was relieved by her misunderstanding, then worried again when he remembered Unc is still in the hospital.

    Meanwhile, Stevia was trekking through the streets of Atlanta in dog-torn clothes, angrily hauling a palette of Sprite Zero behind her. She gave herself a burst of energy by chugging a Sprite Zero, then swore that Shermie was going to hear about this.

    Junior and Lenny came to visit Unc in the ICU Bread Injury Unit at Grady. Unc revived and declared that somebody tried to whack him. Junior and Lenny guessed that it must have been the middle schoolers, but Unc explained that it was the app (“DongDash tried to kill me!”) Junior still thought that ABC’s app was a prostitution service. Unc thanked Junior for being the first person to visit him; when Lenny pointed out that they arrived together, Unc said Junior was the first one he saw, so that’s all that matters. When Shermie arrived to check on his uncle, Lenny accused him of not caring enough to come sooner (“You’re #3!”). Unc pointed out that, regardless of whatever order they came, the important thing was that Shermie’s family. To illustrate the importance of family, he showed his watch, and asked Shermie to hold up the matching watch that Unc’s brother left to Shermie. When Shermie hesitated, Unc got agitated and warned “I’m gonna break another piece of furniture!”

    Tammy was in the kitchen when Kendrick entered; they discussed Tammy’s worries about Kendrick’s future. He told his mother that he had something to show her…and with that, he took off his “guy to call” shades and threw them into the oven. Tammy appreciated the gesture, but pointed out that burning sunglasses are a health hazard, so he had to retrieve them. Afterwards, he informed her that he was leaving his nefarious life behind and getting a real job. He’d heard there were opportunities with a new cooking app. Tammy and Kendrick sang a duet of “I’ll Be There.”

    In the dining room, ABC was downtrodden about his app’s setbacks. Adelaide consoled him with bread, noting that the bread-tower just needed a better foundation. ABC admitted that he was resistant to accepting Adelaide because she represented Shermie’s changes. He said it’s too late for him to try something new, and he should just stick with what he’s good at: tossing wings in sauce. Adelaide commiserated: “We both suck!”

    Shermie was pacing in the office when the Stevia burst, furious over his abandoning her. Shermie pointed out “We SAID ‘Get in!’” Stevia suggested that maybe they should just be co-workers and not family. Shermie showed her that he had RSVP’d to her baby shower invitation, but she felt it was too little, too late. She showed Shermie that she had saved his watch…but since he’d treated her so badly, she was keeping it. Shermie reluctantly agreed to keep things professional and impersonal.

    Junior visited the children’s wing of the hospital, taking a gig as a hospital clown in an effort to be more reassuring and less confrontational. After initially scaring the kids, he admitted that he’d never been funny: “In my life, I’ve only known embezzlement and pretzels.” He then turned pretzels into a metaphor for life, showing the importance of being flexible…and maybe trying therapy. As he realized how his words applied to himself, the kids were so inspired that they made spontaneous recoveries.

    In the hospital, Unc told ABC “That app of yours tried to whack me.” ABC apologized sincerely. They hugged.

    Tammy said goodbye to Kendrick as he prepared to move on; she told him to go after his dreams. They hugged.

    Lenny and Adelaide congratulated Junior on his hospital clown gig. Junior told them that he was taking his own advice about therapy. They hugged.

    Shermie and Stevia went over some restaurant business in the office. They did not hug.

    TO BE CONTINUED…

 

Episode 5: The Crossover Episode

Stevia was hauling heavy boxes of ribs to the restaurant when she felt her contractions begin and realized that her water had broken.

  • “That can’t be enough! I must be dehydrated,” she said.

    Elsewhere, housewife Matilda Johnson was sending her daughter Matilda II off to school, warning her to watch out for the bullies. Matilda II promised that if anyone tried to bully her, she would bite them herself. Just then, an 18-wheeler hauling bouncy balls went out of control and spilled its cargo. Matilda II was pummeled by a barrage of bouncy balls.

    At St. Gary’s Hospital (as seen in the live improvised medical drama Bedside Manor presented by Ed, Tom, and Rueben), Dr. Carlos Conleche, Dr. Chad Peanis, and Resident Molly were enjoying a rare moment of quiet and decided to order pizza. Just then, Molly answered the phone and learned that hundreds of kids had been injured in a bouncy-ball accident and were on their way.

    As Molly began to panic, Chad slapped her to stop her hysterics, then realized that was wrong and asked her to hit him back. She did so, then said “Sorry, Dr. Peanis.”

    He told her to call him Chad; “Dr. Peanis was my dad.” They reminisced about his father’s contributions to the hospital; the hospital had named the Peanis Wing after him, not to mention naming the elevator the Peanis Shaft.

    Shermie arrived at the hospital, accompanied by ABC. ABC said that he didn’t trust hospitals, but he’s there to support Shermie. Shermie revealed his problem: “How much do you know about anal bleaching?”

    He explained that he over-bleached when he was 18, and his butthole had been translucent ever since. (“People say it’s like looking in a crystal ball.”) Dr. Conleche entered and announced “I’m here to treat a transparent taint.”

    When Shermie corrected that it was his butthole, Dr. Conleche checked his clipboard again and apologized. “I have the wrong chart.”

    Acting as Shermie’s advocate, ABC lectured Conleche on his error. Taking the criticism in stride, Conleche explained the procedure, saying that they’d be taking a skin graft from elsewhere on Shermie’s body. He asked, “Is there a part of your body you don’t like?”

    Shermie replied, “Name it!”

    Dr. Conleche also noted that, apart from the butthole issue, Shermie’s blood pressure was alarmingly high. Shermie explained that he was very stressed because he’d broken up with his girlfriend, and how he’s in the hospital where she works. When Conleche checked his chart again, ABC asked, “Wait, were you checking to see if YOU were his ex?”

    Outside the hospital, Stevia was waiting to be admitted, with Tammy and Adelaide accompanying her for support. Stevia mentioned that her husband, Dr. Chad Peanis, worked there, so hopefully she’d get in soon. In case she didn’t get admitted in time, Tammy assured Stevia that she could help her through this, since she’d once given birth on a bus.

    Stevia called Chad on the phone and tried to explain her situation, but he just wasn’t getting it, until Tammy yelled, “Get your ass out here!”

    He assured her he would be out as soon as he could, but he was waiting on a delivery of 100 pizzas for all the injured kids.

    At the nurses’ station, Molly was processing all the kids when Dr. Conleche arrived to go over the triage process. Conleche told Molly that her ex-boyfriend Shermie was in the hospital, though he couldn’t tell her why due to patient confidentiality. Molly confessed that she still had feelings for Shermie, even though he stood her up at the Olive Garden. Dr. Conleche offered her the chance to perform Shermie’s surgery to see if she still felt the same way about him.

    In the ER, Chad and Molly examined Matilda and Matilda II, while asking them about the bouncy-ball disaster. (Matilda II flatly commented, “I ate one.”) Matilda informed the doctors that her daughter was being bullied, but was learning to stand up to them. Chad observed that becoming the bully is always a good idea. During the examination, Molly accidentally referred to Matilda II as “him,” then explained that the chart had her name as “Matildo.” Just then, Matilda II’s vital signs crashed.

    In the recovery room, Shermie awoke from the anesthetic and saw Molly standing over him. She explained that she’d performed the surgery, taking some skin from his arm for the skin graft. Shermie protested that the skin was supposed to be taken from his butt (“I’ve got cool tattoos on my arms!”). He saw that the hook portion of his anchor tattoo was now gone. ABC consoled him by pointing out that he now had a cool tattoo on his butthole.

    Shermie demanded a mirror, insisting, “Everything depends on this! My self-esteem, my love life…” Molly pointed out that his butthole was never the problem in their relationship.

    Outside the hospital, Stevia panicked as her labor continued. Tammy told Adelaide, “We need to see how much she’s dilated. And by ‘we,’ I mean you.”

    The scenes began rapidly cross-cutting: Chad resuscitated Matilda II. Shermie checked out his butthole and tearfully declared “It’s so beautiful.” Matilda II AND Matilda flatlined. Stevia gave birth in the alley, with Tammy biting through the umbilical cord. Chad and Dr. Conleche performed immediate heart transplants on both Matildas, switching their hearts. Matilda and Matilda II revived, now with their minds in each other’s bodies, Freaky Friday-style. Stevia cradled her baby in her arms, declaring “It’s so beautiful.”

    Afterwards, Stevia was holding her baby in the recovery room, when Chad finally managed to see her. He apologized for not being there for their baby’s birth, but she said she realized he had left her alone so that she could discover how strong she really was. (CHAD: “Yes, that’s exactly what I did, on purpose.”)

    They tried to decide on a name for their son, noting that they’d expected a girl and had only considered girl names. After some thought, Chad suggested “Matildo.”

    Matilda and Matilda II were adjusting to their new bodies, amazed by this development. Dr. Conleche explained that this side effect was, in medical terms, an “oopsie.” In her mother’s body, Matilda II was dismayed by the older body’s constant pain, while Matilda was just fine having a young body. Conleche stated that, by cartoon logic, they could reverse the transference by repeating the surgery and switching their hearts back, adding that if they didn’t, they’d probably both die anyway from having the wrong size hearts. Matilda and Matilda II discussed their situation, and asked if they could use their new bodies to beat up the bullies first. Conleche said that such a decision was out of his jurisdiction, but Chad immediately entered and said, “Do it.”

    Tammy and Adelaide ran into Molly in the hallway, and they discussed Molly’s relationship with Shermie. Tammy advised Molly to tell Shermie she wants “real stuff, not play-play.” Molly revealed that she’d taken her relationship to a new level by treating Shermie. Though HIPAA prevented her from revealing any details, she did say that she’d taken a little piece of Shermie.

    Shermie was coming out of anesthesia with ABC by his side, wondering why Molly had anesthetized him again. ABC told Shermie that he felt a bond now that he’d made “eye contact” with him. ABC pointed out that Shermie pulled back from everyone whenever he got stressed, and advised him to go talk to his sister: “Are you even going to go see the baby?”

    Shermie was surprised by the news that Stevia had given birth. He stood up to go see her, then immediately collapsed.

    Chad and Dr. Conleche prepared to reverse the heart transplants on Matilda and Matilda II, with an additional procedure to give them an edge on the bullies: “You can use 35 years of life experience in a young body…and also these anabolic steroids.”

    Matilda asked if that would make her daughter a tiny powerhouse, like a Mini-Hulk or Mighty Mouse. Conleche pointed out that those are both super-heroes, and super-villains might make a better comparison. The steroid-fueled Matilda II beat up Chad.

    In her room, Stevia was nursing when Shermie staggered in. When he explained that he was stumbling because he was anesthetized, Stevia asked “Wait, you’re here for a procedure and not to see the baby?” Shermie apologized and said that he wanted to stand up for her, rising to his feet to make his point. He apologized for being distant, explaining that he’d always been trying to shield his heart and cover his ass, but now he was never covering his ass again…as he demonstrated by showing her his butthole skin graft. She noted that he now had a little anchor-hook tattoo pointing right at it. (“That’s a happy accident.”)

    They promised to be there for each other, and celebrated by using Chad’s key to unlock the medicine cart and give Shermie some random medication.

    ABC, Adelaide, and Tammy were distributing snacks to all the injured children when the roided-out Matilda II stormed in and broke ABC’s leg, telling the kids that was a demonstration of what she was going to do to them. Tammy neutralized the threat by placing Matilda II in a sleeper hold until she passed out. (“I learned that in the war.”)

    The 100 pizzas finally arrived. Everyone gathered as ABC served them despite his injury (“Honestly, this is the best place I could have broken my leg”), as Stevia & Chad introduced him to baby Matildo. Dr. Conleche had an announcement to make: He was going to jail for medical malpractice, and in his absence he was promoting Chad to chief surgeon. Chad made a heartwarming speech declaring that “The best medicine is love and friendship and family.”

    After the speech, Matilda asked, “Since our doctor got arrested, we don’t have to pay, right?”

    TO BE CONTINUED…

 

Episode 6: The Bare Trapped

Shermie and Adelaide were in the freezer to bring out the food; specifically, tons and tons of mayonnaise for their upcoming big event, Cinco de Mayo. The freezer phone rang; it was influential food critic Celina Al Dente making a reservation.

  • Shermie started stressing that everything had to be perfect for her…and then he discovered that he couldn’t open the freezer door. (“We’re fucked.”)

    The rest of the staff discussed the news that Shermie and Adelaide were trapped in the freezer. Cousin wondered why the fuck they were even keeping mayonnaise in the freezer; Lenny explained that the freezer was out of order and running at a consistent 56 degrees, the ideal temperature for mayo. So they were in no danger of freezing…however, there IS only a 15-minute oxygen supply. Stevia was certain that everything would work out, since giving birth had boosted her confidence; to take everyone’s minds off the problem, she showed them her pictures of baby Matildo. Lenny said the baby was so cute, it could get eaten up; everyone was suitably creeped out. Cousin pointed out that they were wasting time, and Stevia agreed; they had to focus on the Cinco de Mayo event. Since all the mayonnaise was in the freezer, they’d need to make some from scratch.

    With the restaurant short-staffed, Stevia coached Junior on his duties as a server. She mentioned how impressed she was with his motivational-speaker work, and offered a promotional apron; he put it on as she ceremonially “knighted” him to his new position as Front of House Manager. As she showed her baby pictures again, Celina Al Dente entered. Stevia and Junior flattered and fawned over her, though she really just wanted a glass of water. When Junior returned with the room-temperature water (since she hadn’t asked for ice and he wanted to follow her exact words), she asked him what his new apron signified, and he replied “It means someone believed in me.” She empathized with his struggle, telling him she’d been through similar experiences. He asked “Did you go to juvie too?”

    In the alley, Lenny and ABC prepared to break into the freezer through the back wall. Even though they’d had a rift in their friendship, they had reconciled, saying that there’s nothing they can’t do when they put their minds together. To demonstrate how in sync they were, they decided to announce their plan simultaneously, in one voice…only to say two completely different plans. Lenny wanted to make a plasma cutter/lightsaber, while ABC thought it would be simpler just to break through the wall. ABC said that they could still be friends even if they weren’t on the same page anymore. Just then, the oxygen alarm went off, and Lenny declared that they had to go into the sewers to release the emergency air supply. ABC replied “Let’s do it.”

    Tammy, Junior and Stevia were in the kitchen, discussing the restaurant chain of command; in Shermie’s absence, Cousin was supposed to be in charge, but Junior pointed out that Cousin would just fuck everything up. Tammy recalled finding Cousin passed out like a drunk raccoon in the restroom. Junior acknowledged that Cousin was getting better, but they weren’t better yet. Stevia agreed, and put Tammy in charge of preparing the special mayo-based menu. In the background, Cousin could be heard loudly complaining that a 6-pack of beer is not nearly enough.

    Cousin came to the freezer door to talk to Shermie, starting by stating bluntly that a mayonnaise-based menu is stupid, but they’ll work with it. Cousin complained that, despite Stevia putting them in charge, “nobody thinks I have any value to add.” Nevertheless, Cousin wanted to prove their worth: “You’re right, I’m a fucking shitbrick, but I want to do this for you.”

    In the kitchen, Tammy and Junior were trying to get through the rush of orders when Cousin entered and took charge. Cousin told them that they couldn’t be focusing exclusively on the critic; they needed to take care of all the patrons as well.

    In the dining area, Stevia was seating patrons while also waiting on Celina. Celina informed Stevia that she was still waiting on service, so Stevia ordered a basket of rolls for Celina’s table while she’s waiting. Celina took note as other patrons described the rolls as “remarkable” and “scrumptious.” Finally, Junior brought out the mayonnaise flight and pointed out all the different flavors to Celina.

    In the alley, Lenny and ABC had finally constructed a plasma cutter/lightsaber to rescue Shermie and Adelaide. ABC suggested that Lenny should do the honors; before they did so, Lenny “knighted” ABC before they set out on their quest into the sewers. Lenny pulled a ball-peen hammer from his toolbox to fight off sewer rats; ABC pointed out that they could have just used that hammer to break into the freezer. ABC suggested that Lenny over-complicated things because he’s afraid of success.

    The montage of cross-cutting between scenes: Cousin and Tammy worked frantically in the kitchen. Lenny and ABC made their way into the sewers. Junior sensually fed mayonnaise to Celina. Cousin injured their hand. Lenny and ABC finally broke through into the freezer. Celina smoked a cigarette in a post-coital manner, declaring of the meal: “That was incredible.”

    Turning back the clock to see what Shermie and Adelaide were up to in the freezer while all this was going on: As soon as they discovered that they were locked in, a computer voice announced that the oxygen supply was at 15 minutes. Adelaide exclaimed that there were supposed to be safety measures, and Shermie angrily retorted “I KNOW!” She also pointed out that all the mayo for the big event was locked up with them, calling him “Sherm” as she made her point. He informed her that he didn’t like being called “Sherm,” and she told him he needed to open up and let people know what he does or doesn’t like: “I can’t pick it up through osmosis!”

    The computer voice informed them that their argument had reduced the air supply and they now had 5 minutes left. They calmed down, and Adelaide lamented that she didn’t know what she was doing at the restaurant; she felt she wasn’t making any difference or making any friends. Shermie asked her how she got started in this career, and she explained that when she was young, all her mother made for her was ketchup soup (“It’s exactly what it sounds like”), so she had to learn to cook to make things better. Shermie said that most people would find that story sad, but he was impressed that she used those experiences to make something of herself. She continued, recalling that kids made fun of her for eating only ketchup; they said ketchup was for French fries, so she stole fries from a dumpster and discovered the wonders of salt and potatoes.

    SHERMIE: “That first part was just the preamble? This is the Lord of the Rings of childhood stories!”

    As she opened up to him, Adelaide told him there was something important she’d been meaning to say: His “Cinco de Mayo” mayonnaise menu idea was just taking another culture and making it white. The computer voice granted them more oxygen as a reward for the insight.

    Adelaide told Shermie that he was trying to manage a lot of people, but wasn’t taking care of himself. His takeaway from that: “Are you saying I’m fat?”

    He demanded that she be honest with him, and she informed him that since his butthole surgery, he had been farting a lot and everyone had noticed. He confessed that his surgery wasn’t for hemorrhoids, but to correct his youthful anal-bleaching accident. The computer voice reduced their oxygen as a penalty for too much information.

    Adelaide had a confession of her own: She had stolen $50 from the safe in order to fix the carbon monoxide leak in her condo (and she’s only renting), since she didn’t have anyone that she could ask for the money. Shermie said that this shows the importance of having friends. He assured her that she’s a good chef, but lacks confidence, and it hurt him to see that she thinks she’s not good enough. He told her that she was twice as talented as he was (more talented, but not yet as good as him, since he’s had more time to work on it). He concluded by telling her that she had great talent, but didn’t have any friends. When she shrank down in depression, the exasperated Shermie exclaimed “YOU told me you didn’t have any friends!”

    The computer voice declared “Your oxygen has depleted. Good luck.” With their time running out, Shermie assured Adelaide that he considered her a friend. She recalled that she had friends when she worked at Chuck E. Cheese, but they turned against her, so she could never completely trust anyone, not even Shermie. Still, she thanked him for giving her a chance. He promised her that if they live, he’ll never do another mayo-themed promotion, especially one that appropriates another culture.

    Adelaide began hallucinating that she saw Chuck E. Cheese coming for her. As they lost consciousness, ABC and Lenny suddenly burst in, then frantically revived them.

    SHERMIE: “I was having the most incredible dream!”

    ADELAIDE: “I had the WORST dream!”

    Shermie and Adelaide asked their rescuers how they got in. ABC explained “We used the Force…TOGETHER.”

    ABC and Lenny brought Shermie and Adelaide into the kitchen, where Junior and Cousin had an announcement: Celina Al Dente loved the meal (“She loves mayonnaise now!”). Celina made a slow-clap entrance, praising the restaurant and especially Junior (“even if the service was a little chaotic for the first hour and a half”). She told them that she sensed a lot of impostor syndrome amongst the staff, but that just made them more like family. Junior thanked Cousin for bringing everything together, awarding them the Blue Apron of Ass-Kicking.

    TO BE CONTINUED…

 

Episode 7: Mothers’ Day

Molly, Shermie’s ex, arrived at the Dunwoody home of Donna Fridays in advance of the family’s Mother’s Day dinner, and was surprised to learn that Shermie didn’t know she was coming: Donna wanted to get them back together, so she’d invited Molly as a surprise.

  • Donna showed Molly the décor, including a statue of Donna herself that she’d commissioned from Craigslist.

    Stevia arrived with baby Matildo. When Donna asked to hold her grandson, Stevia suggested that Donna put out her cigarette first.

    As Donna held Matildo, Stevia apologized for not inviting Donna to the birth, but everything was very hectic and “I thought you’d critique me.”

    The baby started crying louder and louder until Donna handed him back to Stevia.

    Junior, Lenny, and Cousin arrived for the dinner, bringing the beer. Junior said that he wasn’t used to how white people celebrate Mother’s Day, explaining that in his family, he had to get dressed up and help with the cooking so his mother wouldn’t have to.

    Lenny was shocked: “But Moms LOVE to cook!”

    Cousin began flirting shamelessly with Donna when Unc arrived, sweaty and disheveled. Donna noticed that Unc’s jaw was bruised; he confided to her that his wife Rachel had thrown him out. Just then, Shermie arrived with dinner from the restaurant; he was late because nobody had helped him, but nobody wanted to hear those excuses.

    As Shermie set up, Lenny accidentally knocked over and broke the statue of Donna, then tried to blame Shermie. Donna saw through the frame-up, but still lectured Shermie for being late.

    Cousin was out by the garage when Donna came out for a break. Cousin sensed that Donna was stressed, and offered her a beer. She eagerly accepted, saying that she could down beers like a dragon. Cousin began flirting with Donna again, dancing and grinding against her. Donna admitted that since her husband left, she hadn’t had a pushel in a long time. Cousin replied “You’re not gonna get out of telling me what a pushel is.”

    Molly was looking over the photos of Shermie on the walls, as well as finding a sculpture of Donna holding baby Shermie. Shermie entered and apologized for the awkwardness. They reminisced about their childhood school days, and the time that Shermie got a bee sting on his eyelid…which was the moment that Molly decided to become a doctor. They discussed the retro décor of the house; Shermie said it seemed frozen in time—specifically, the time period that Donna and Cousin both found the hottest. Molly mentioned that she once walked in on Donna and Cousin in bed together; Shermie declared that he now needed therapy.

    Shermie talked about his feelings and his usual method of dealing with them: balling them up and using them to fuel his workaholism. Molly asked how that was working out for him, and he confessed “Not well.”

    She changed the subject to ask how he was recovering from the butthole skin-graft surgery she performed on him; that part WAS going well.

    Donna, Cousin, Unc, and Lenny were in the kitchen, arguing over whether breadcrumbs belong in the traditional Mother’s Day dish (spaghetti on top of lasagna on top of mac & cheese). Unc dismissed Cousin’s opinion as irrelevant, since “Cousin” was just an honorific nickname, not an actual family connection. As the argument escalated, Unc broke an urn of a relative’s ashes.

    Stevia had gone to the upstairs home office to calm down the baby when Junior knocked. Stevia felt like she was failing at Mother’s Day, but Junior assured her that this was only her first one, and that’s always the hardest. Baby Matildo was crying, but started cooing like a pigeon once Junior held him.

    Stevia confessed her childhood Mother’s Day disaster: Her mom loves birds, so Stevia tried to give her a Mother’s Day treat by feeding the hummingbirds for her…but instead of sugar water, she mixed up a dish of Stevia and water, which killed them. Ever since, her mom has called her “Stevia.” (“My name’s Rebecca!”)

    Junior recalled his own childhood, and how he went to juvie after his own parents turned him in for embezzling pretzels when he worked at Six Flags/White Water. The baby started crying again, and Stevia told Junior that skin-to-skin contact calms babies down. Junior took off his shirt, and the baby began trying to nurse from him.

    Shermie invited Molly into his childhood bedroom, where he showed her the cookbook he wrote when he was just a kid; it was all mash-ups of childhood foods, like hot dog cereal. Molly remarked that she’d like to try that. They kissed, and the scent of hot dog cereal filled their senses.

    Meanwhile, Cousin and Unc were fighting and breaking things, as Donna tried to save all her bric-a-brac.

    The sexual tension between Junior and Stevia grew.

    Passion filled the entire house as the scenes rapidly cut between Shermie and Molly making out, Junior and Stevia making out, and Cousin and Unc making out with Donna simultaneously. Only Lenny was left out until he joined the Cousin/Unc/Donna polycule as well.

    Afterwards, Unc, Lenny, and Cousin were sitting at the dining room table, trying to deal with what just happened. Unc remembered his near-death experience a few weeks back; he said that when his heart stopped, he didn’t see shit. He explained that he didn’t see any tunnel of light, so he believed “This is it, this is all we get, so embrace it. And yes, you saw my butthole just now. Embrace it!”

    They discussed the sexual encounter, trying to figure out just who did what to whom; Lenny and Unc were surprised that Cousin didn’t “finish.”

    UNC: “You didn’t have an orgasm?”

    COUSIN: “I’ve NEVER had an orgasm!”

    UNC: “I had too many!”

    Donna went to the upstairs office for privacy, and found Stevia comforting baby Matildo. Stevia asked “Are you okay? You look flushed…and you’re missing, like, five nails.” (Downstairs, Cousin walked by and pulled an artificial nail out of their butt.) Donna confessed that Mother’s Day was always very triggering for her, and she remembered that Mother’s Day in 2004: “Shermie was late, and you brought out a hummingbird feeder. It was a nice thought, but I opened the window and saw 15 dead hummingbirds.” Stevia said that it was traumatic for her as well; she had to bury those hummingbirds herself, individually.

    Donna told her daughter that Stevia was intelligent, efficient, and organized; qualities that remind Donna of her husband…which is why she can’t handle them. (STEVIA: “I liked the first part of what you said.”)

    Shermie was in the kitchen when Junior entered. Junior expressed surprise at just how weird white people’s Mother’s Day was. Shermie assured him, “I don’t think you can judge White Mother’s Day by this one. It’s NOT representative.” Changing the subject, Junior asked if Stevia was happy with her husband Chad. Shermie replied that Chad was always very busy, so she probably wasn’t “capital-H Happy.” When Junior confessed that he was capital-H Happy, Shermie picked up on the subtext:

    SHERMIE: “Holy fucking shit! Did you fuck Stevia?”

    JUNIOR: “No, I fucked REBECCA.”

    Junior tried to explain the energy between them by asking “Have you ever seen Boyz N the Hood?”

    Out by the gazebo, Molly was watching the ducks when Stevia arrived. They complimented each other, noting that they both look flushed and glowing. Molly said that she and Shermie were back together for good this time; Stevia asked how she could be sure. Stevia confessed to doubts about her relationship with Chad, noting that he wasn’t there for the birth of their baby.  Molly pointed out the ducks and said that they mate for life…and when she’s with Shermie, she feels whole. Stevia welcomed Molly: “You are such a standout in this fuckup of a family.” Molly protested that she felt like a failure. Stevia exclaimed “So you’re toxic like the rest of us?”, and declared that she’d fit right in.

    Unc, Cousin, and Donna were talking at the kitchen table. Unc told Donna that his wife Rachel had kicked him out. He revealed that he’d married Rachel because she was Donna’s best friend, and he wanted to show Donna that he could be a better husband than his brother. He said that his brother was better in every way…except he didn’t stay.

    Donna remembered the time that she got fired from Walgreens, and asked Unc who showed up for her. He admitted that it was his brother who actually did, and Donna said that was why she chose him. They realized that they were both each other’s “one that got away”…but now they could fix that. Cousin asked, “Can I watch?”

    Junior and Lenny were in the kitchen; Junior confessed he had a secret, and he felt he could trust Lenny since they’d saved each other’s lives at the ballpark a while back. To emphasize their bond, Junior asked “Have you ever seen Boyz N the Hood?” Lenny exclaimed that he was a huge fan, and was immensely proud to be compared to Cuba Gooding Jr.

    Junior confessed his secret and his dilemma: he’s in love with Stevia, but she’s married to a doctor. Lenny’s solution: “We gotta kill Chad!”

    Shermie and Stevia met in the hummingbird-graveyard garden, as Stevia looked over all the little bird-sized graves and apologized to each one by name (Ross, Rachel, Phoebe, etc.). Shermie said he just wanted to see if she was okay. He admitted that he was usually self-focused, but he was trying to be more open to others. Stevia wanted to open up, but wasn’t sure if she could. Shermie lamented “Nobody told us life was gonna be this way.” Stevia confessed that she felt like she was falling apart, making choices she never would have made before. Shermie told her that he was an experienced fuck-up, but he considered each fuck-up an opportunity to keep going and grow stronger, comparing it to how muscles build up by tearing and repairing themselves.

    STEVIA: “So you’re saying to take those torn muscles, ball them up, and use them for fuel?”

    SHERMIE: “EXACTLY!”

    Just then, Molly arrived, surrounded by hummingbirds. (“It’s like you’re a Disney Princess!”) Stevia was thrilled that Shermie’s butthole surgery had brought them together (“She can change your butthole AND change your life!”), so she left them alone. Molly and Shermie remembered how this garden was where they shared their first kiss under the mistletoe. Shermie warned Molly that he couldn’t guarantee that he won’t fuck this up, but she was worth taking the risk. They kissed.

    Donna gathered everyone to the dining room table for the big Mother’s Day dinner. Junior led everyone in a toast: “To Donna, for pulling everything together!”

    EVERYONE: “To Donna!”

    TO BE CONTINUED…

 
 
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Episode 8: The Grand Finale

Shermie gathered the staff together to read Celia Al Dente’s review of the restaurant following her visit during the Cinco de Mayo event. Remembering how enthusiastic she had been, everyone was optimistic as Shermie read: “W.T.Fridays serves up a mayo experience unlike any other…unfortunately, it’s extremely culturally insensitive. I give them 0 stars, and may God have mercy on their souls.”

  • Everyone started panicking and arguing. Stevia had been so certain of a rave review that she’d already placed ads centered around the review. Shermie had a panic attack and hallucinated seeing Cousin fucking a pot. In reality, Cousin made a suggestion: “I think now is the time we should all turn on each other.”

    Later, in the dining room, Junior asked Tammy for relationship advice…specificially asking if Tammy and her husband ever latched onto each other’s nipples. Tammy explained that breast-feeding is for feeding babies…but if Junior’s into it, go ahead, but just don’t call it “latching.” Just then, a stranger entered looking for Tammy. He introduced himself as attorney Dick Ballsenshaft Esq. (“Yes, I heard all the jokes in junior high.”) He informed Tammy that her aunt Mavis Drake had passed away and left her a tidy sum.

    TAMMY: “How tiny?”

    DICK: “I said ‘tidy,’ but yes, it is also tiny.”

    He explained that Tammy had inherited $34,000, but under very specific conditions: She only gets the money if she can spend $1000 in two hours…but it all has to be spent in $1 transactions. (“Your aunt was riddled with dementia by that time.”)

    Stevia called Shermie to the office with important news: All of their licenses have expired. She had no idea how that happened, even after Shermie pointed out that SHE’S the restaurant’s business manager. She reassured him that she’d just go to City Hall, pay some fines, and everything would be all right. Shermie had another panic attack, and hallucinated seeing Cousin fucking a table. (“Why is THAT what I see?”) Shermie told his sister that he wasn’t doing well and he realized he needed help. To emphasize how bad things were, he explained “it’s like the nation’s political situation is going on in my soul.” He asked for just one piece of good news. Just then, Lenny called in: “The walk-in freezer’s fixed…oh, wait, no.” His hopes raised and then dashed, Shermie shouted “FUCK!”

    Cousin and ABC were waiting in line at City Hall, passing the time by asking each other math questions. (“40 ducks get on a train to Madagascar. It takes 4 days and $20,000. When do they get there?”) After pointing out that that’s an unsolvable problem, ABC asked Cousin an unsolvable problem of his own: “Why don’t you try harder when you know you’re capable?” Cousin explained that they didn’t get any respect, so they don’t try. ABC pointed out that Cousin had been entrusted with an important job. Acknowledging Cousin’s point, Cousin suggested that they pass the time with Sour Patch Kids and a Danzig playlist. Cousin asked if they could pour the candy directly into ABC’s mouth, and he agreed.

    Adelaide called Molly to the kitchen for some medical help, calmly explaining that she’d cut off her pinky while making a leek-mayonnaise dish. As Molly sewed Adelaide’s finger back on, they discussed Adelaide’s experience of getting trapped in the freezer with Shermie a few weeks ago. Adelaide was pretty certain she died for a little while before she was rescued. As Molly finished stitching Adelaide’s finger back on, Adelaide apologized for not having insurance. Molly assured her “It’s on the house.” Molly asked if Adelaide had any plans for the weekend, and Adelaide replied that she had no life outside the restaurant. Molly invited Adelaide to join her for Trivia Night some time, and assured Adelaide that she was there to listen if Adelaide ever needed to talk.

    Lenny and Junior were hanging out in the alley during their break; Junior confessed that he felt like everything was falling apart. Lenny assured him that, even as everything falls apart, he would catch the falling parts in the trash bin. He explained that Junior saved his life back at the ball game, so he owed Junior a big favor…and now he was ready to repay that debt. Lenny revealed that he had a team ready to kill Stevia’s husband Dr. Chad Peanis, and that team was waiting for his word. Junior was shocked, but Lenny tried to persuade him:

    LENNY: “Think of little Matildo! What could be better for him than his father getting killed on the job? That’s a big payout!”

    Lenny assured him that the hit was all set to go, and everything was taken care of.

    JUNIOR: “And it won’t trace back to you or me, right?”

    LENNY: “What?”

    Cousin and ABC were still waiting in line at City Hall. ABC suggested that they could bypass at least one of the licenses by just declaring the freezer to be a regular room, and not worrying about maintaining its temperature. He observed that the restaurant was doing better before as an unremarkable chain restaurant, before Shermie tried to improve it. (“There’s something to be said for the bare minimum.”) He also complained about Shermie’s “no, not like that” management style, correcting people’s mistakes instead of providing clear directions from the start.

    Shermie met Molly for their date. Not knowing about the restaurant’s setbacks, she had ordered filet mignon, caviar, and cocktails (a flight of whiskey). Shermie confessed that he needed to see “a doctor of the mind,” but tried to lighten the mood by asking how her day had been. Molly told him how she sewed Adelaide’s finger back on. The thought of a worker’s comp claim sent Shermie into another panic attack, and he hallucinated seeing Cousin fucking the staircase railing.

    Tammy, Lenny, and Dick Ballsenshaft went to a co-ed strip club to spend Tammy’s singles. Dick reminded Tammy that she couldn’t just throw bills on the floor; a stripper had to collect them for it to count as a transaction. Dick noted that he and Lenny hadn’t been introduced yet. Lenny introduced himself, and Dick declared “Lenny Koznofsky, you’ve been served.”

    Stevia and Adelaide were shucking oysters in the kitchen when Junior arrived to discuss their amorous encounter. Adelaide asked whether they should be having such a discussion while surrounded by aphrodisiacs. Stevia wanted to back off of the relationship, saying that they just got carried away. She explained that sometimes people just get carried away when they’re in close proximity. She said that Adelaide should understand, considering how Adelaide and Shermie must have hooked up while they were trapped in the freezer.

    ADELAIDE: “Whoa, what?!”

    Rapid cross-cutting between the scenes: Molly eased Shermie through his panic attack. ABC continued to catch candy in his mouth as he and Cousin waited at City Hall.  Lenny started dancing in the strip club as Tammy spent her singles. ABC started choking. DICK began dancing in the strip club as Tammy spent her singles. Cousin gave ABC the Heimlich maneuver.

    Shermie and Molly went for a post-panic-attack walk with Molly. He thanked her for being there for him, and she replied that it felt good to feel needed. He confessed that he’d always been afraid to let people in to help him, so he always pushed them away. She told him she appreciated his openness. He replied “So you’re into pathetic losers?” He immediately realized he was pushing her away again. Passersby thought that Shermie was harassing her, and started yelling at him. Molly explained to the crowd that they were a couple and that Shermie was just really bad at expressing himself. The crowd shouted “Get a room!”

    Tammy, Lenny, and Dick left the strip club, but Tammy still had $549 to spend to claim her inheritance. They found a Dollar General, and Tammy went on a shopping spree (as Dick warned her to watch out for the $2 items).

    Cousin and ABC walked back to the restaurant, having been kicked out of City Hall for smoking and throwing candy. As ABC recuperated from his sugar consumption, Cousin asked why ABC had never told them he had Type 1 diabetes. (“I didn’t anticipate candy being shoved in my mouth.”) Cousin asked “Type 1, that’s the not-your-fault one?” Offended, ABC explained “None of it’s ‘your fault’,” and provided a highly detailed technical explanation of diabetes. Cousin apologized, noting that if they’d known, they wouldn’t have thrown candy into ABC’s mouth. He assured them he was okay, just a little woozy. Cousin suggested that maybe everyone in the restaurant should know more about each other in general. ABC replied with an explanation of how everyone misinterprets the phrase “Blood is thicker than water,” when it’s actually “The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb,” meaning that the bonds we choose to make are stronger than the ones we’re born with.

    In the dining room, Adelaide asked Stevia about the rumors that Adelaide and Shermie hooked up in the freezer. Adelaide declared that she hadn’t done anything with anyone, and Stevia responded that she hadn’t either, “so stop attacking me for being a mother.” Adelaide pointed out that Stevia HAD latched on to Junior’s nipples. Stevia admitted that was a moment of weakness while her husband Dr. Chad Peanis was away. Stevia asked if she knew how hard it was to be Stevia Peanis; Adelaide pointed out that she didn’t HAVE to take his name. Adelaide complained that Stevia never took responsibility for her actions, declaring “It’s like talking to a brick wall, it’s like talking to a mom.” Stevia shouted “And there it is!”

    Junior entered the kitchen, where Shermie was fixing himself some chicken noodle soup as comfort food.

    JUNIOR: “I’ll have some, too.”

    SHERMIE: “Very generous of me.”

    Junior explained that he felt that what he and Stevia had was real, but he needed to know if it was real between Stevia and Chad as well. Shermie said that sometimes people spread themselves too thin: “Sometimes you gotta realize there’s only enough soup for one person.”

    ABC & Cousin came back to the restaurant, apologizing for getting kicked out of City Hall without getting the licenses. ABC explained that he’d had a diabetic episode. Shermie was surprised to hear that ABC was diabetic. Frustrated, ABC pointed out that Shermie had SEEN the insulin delivery system on his arm. Shermie thought that was a nicotine patch.

    Stevia, Adelaide, and Molly entered the kitchen, followed shortly by Tammy, Lenny, and Dick. Dick noted that Tammy still had $1 to spend and time was running out. Tammy suggested that maybe she could spend that $1 by buying Dick’s services as a lawyer. Realizing that HE needed legal advice, Junior snatched the dollar from Tammy and tried to hire Dick. Dick pointed out that it doesn’t count if Junior pays him; Tammy has to spend the dollar herself first. Tammy paid Junior $1 for a massage. Junior then took Dick aside:

    JUNIOR: “Is it murder if you do it to yourself?”

    DICK: “No, that’s suicide.”

    Junior realized he had misspoken, and clarified that he was asking if it was murder if you DIDN’T do it yourself, but you benefit from the death. Dick explained that if he was talking about murder for hire, that’s still murder, but if he didn’t employ anyone to do it, then it isn’t. Junior thanked him.

    DICK: “You’re welcome, Mr…?”

    JUNIOR: “You can call me Jerome Junior Jr.”

    DICK: “Thank you, you’ve been served.”

    Now that Tammy had fulfilled the terms of the will and earned her $34,000 inheritance (minus taxes and Dick’s fees), she offered to treat everyone to dinner at Golden Corral. Dick congratulated Tammy on fulfilling her aunt’s wishes.

    DICK: “I’m sure she’s looking down with pride from her heavenly reward and/or hellish torment, as the case may be.”

    Junior took Lenny aside and thanked him for being a friend, but told Lenny he wasn’t ready to call in the hit. Lenny lamented that the hit-team of five raccoons was going to be disappointed. Junior assured Lenny he’d keep the option open.

    As Molly and Adelaide went out to Trivia Night and the rest of the staff went to join Tammy at Golden Corral, only Cousin and ABC were left in the kitchen. ABC observed that he’d never worked in a restaurant with no license before, and he was curious to see what would happen now.

    TO BE CONTINUED IN SEPTEMBER…

 

Character Guide

The Main Cast

  • Charmin “Shermie” Fridays is the heir apparent and head chef of the family-owned chain restaurant franchise W.T.Fridays. He is hell-bent on transforming the restaurant into a high concept fine dining establishment in the Old Fourth Ward, but nobody else in his family nor on his staff can quite see his vision—except Adelaide, the new hire who admires him immensely.

  • Rebecca “Stevia” Fridays is Shermie’s sister and the heavily pregnant general manager, HR department, and emotional support of W.T.Fridays. Stevia is sweet, polite, overlooked, underappreciated, and downtrodden—and all her hopes for the future are pinned on the baby she carries.

    She is married to and is carrying the child of Chad Peanis, an oft-absent doctor. It is her goal to not raise her child the same way her mother raised her and her brother. She isn’t quite certain why other people seem to think her growing family is a disaster waiting to happen.

 

  • Adelaide is the newest staff member at W.T.Fridays, which she frequented as a child and during her prior career as the general manager of the Chuck E. Cheese located next door to the restaurant.

    She’s a natural in the kitchen, and she admires Shermie greatly.

  • Prior to joining W.T.Fridays as a line cook, ABC was an Egyptian diplomat who brokered peace in the Middle East prior to the start of the story (remember: SCANDAL! The Bare takes place in an alternate reality.) Nobody knows how or why he ended up here, but his American Dream becomes more and more of a nightmare as the days go by.

    He has an intimate, but turbulent on-again, off-again friendship with Lenny, the facilities manager.

 

  • Nobody really knows what the heck is going on with Cousin.

    He’s not related by blood to the Fridays family, but ol’ Cuz has been chopping onions in the back of the house for decades. Nevermind that he hates the smell of onions.

  • Junior spent most of his life in Juvie, but nobody—not even him—knows exactly what for. He’s rough around the edges, but he has a huge heart and a deeply skewed frame of reference for what is and is not standard for life on the outside.

    He’s in love with Stevia even though she’s married to someone else—and also his boss.

 

  • Chef. Mother. Mentor. Tammy Lamar is the realest chef on the line at W.T.Fridays. She loves to have a good time, she loves to spit bars, and she loves her son Kendrick Lamar (not THAT Kendrick Lamar—this is a different one.) Whether you need clear-eyed advice or to get told a hard truth, Tammy has your back.

  • Lenny is the semi-useless facilities manager and handyman at W.T.Fridays. He’s a sensitive dreamer with a knack for getting other people into trouble with his half-baked, high-risk schemes—and blowing things wildly out of proportion.

    Deep down, Lenny is sensitive and craves connection. His closest friend, ABC, have a history of friendship-breakups and reconciliations, but ABC’s patience has limits.

 

Special Guests

  • Molly is Shermie’s ex-girlfriend who still holds a flame for him. She’s a nurse who completed her residency at The Pitt and later transferred to St. Gary’s Medical Hospital (from Ed, Tom, and Rueben’s Bedside Manor. Talk about a cross-IP show!)

    She been stood up on the first date of almost every guy she’s matched with on Hinge, and it’s really worn down her self-confidence, self-worth, and cheerful demeanor.

  • Unc is Shermie and Stevia’s godfather, as well as the primary investor of W.T.Fridays. He tries to help the business however he can, but most of his ideas go sideways or turn the business upside-down.

    He has always been in love with his deceased brother’s wife, Donna.

  • Donna is Shermie and Stevia’s overbearing, unstable, and controlling mother. She puts the “fun” in dysfunctional.

    Also, according to Cousin and ABC, she’s smokin’ hot.

  • Kendrick Lamar is Tammy’s son, not the famous hip-hop artist. He holds down multiple jobs in his search to find his future. Darnell is his ruthless, morally questionable alter ego.

  • Chad is a loquacious and impulse-driven doctor at St. Gary’s Medical Hospital. He’s also Stevia’s husband and the father of their child.

    His father was also a physician at St. Gary’s, and a significant portion of the hospital is named after him.

    He is a walking HR violation.

  • Dr. Conleche of St. Gary’s Medical Hospital is friendly, open-minded, and a decorated and convicted malpractitioner of medicine.

  • The Matildas are a mother-and-daughter pair with a bullying problem and an unchecked thirst for violence.

  • Food critic. Picky. Demanding. Loves mayonnaise.

Lillian Boff
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