SCANDAL! Waterpark Episode Guide
In case you can’t make every week, our serial drama connect Erich Meese is dishing the scoop on every installment of SCANDAL! Waterpark here at Dad’s Garage. Click the episode title to keep up with the intrigue, betrayal, twists, turns, really cool splashdowns, and more!
The cast of SCANDAL! Waterpark. Photo by Nick Sketchety.
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Martin LeDouche, the owner/manager of the Old Froth Ward water park, called the entire staff together for an “alley rally” to go over new business. First on the agenda, he announced that they were re-opening the Manuel’s Cavern ride, which had been closed for a week after four people died in a political argument. But while one ride was opening, another was closing; they had to close Sploosh Mountain (their most popular ride) because Dr. Poole had found a rat king. When he realized that everybody already knew about the rat king, Martin declared that in the future, all rat kings must be reported to management immediately.
After the meeting, Martin showed the new intern Tyffani LeDouche (Martin’s niece) around the park to explain her duties. The park EMT Terry Armstrong joined them on the overhead platform to advise Tyffani on park safety. Terry said that the secret of safety is for Tyffani to get over her fear of unsafe things. As an example of unsafe things, Martin showed Tyffani what NOT to do by climbing over to the other side of the railing and standing on the edge of the platform. Martin was immediately attacked by birds (“Oh, my nuts!”)
Lifeguards Tommy ‘T.J.’ ‘Torpedo’ Johnson and Roy set up their lifeguard chairs, noting that they were too far back from the pool to actually be useful. T.J. remarked that he felt unappreciated and useless because he hadn’t saved anyone. Roy suggested that maybe the fact that they hadn’t NEEDED to save anyone meant that they actually were doing their job right. (“Maybe it’s possible to be so good at your job that you’re bad at it.”)
Dr. Poole was working in his laboratory when Tyffani entered. She admired all of his scientific equipment (both pieces of it), and Dr. Poole explained that he was trying to perfect his chlorine formula. Tyffani suggested that he try using Clairol blonde hair coloring in his formula, as she curiously examined his test tubes. Dr. Poole warned her that some of those test tubes could kill all organic life in the park. Shocked, Tyffani asked “Why would you HAVE that?” As Dr. Poole explained that human beings are teeming with bacteria, Tyffani accidentally knocked over a test tube. Dr. Poole reassured her that THAT one was harmless.
Martin’s mother Mumsy LeDouche was running the park’s Lost and Found booth to keep her hand in the family business. Martin came by and told her that the park was being overrun by birds. Mumsy rummaged through the Lost and Found to find something they could use against the birds, and came up with a Kaiser Permanente prescription bottle. Martin confessed that he was feeling overwhelmed and worried that he wasn’t up to the job of running the park. Mumsy slapped him and declared “No one talks about my son like that!” She tried to boost his confidence by telling him “I see myself in you.” Martin was appalled by her approval.
T.J. was swimming in the pool when Terry came floating by. She complimented him on getting into the spirit of the water park, and T.J. replied that he was SO into it that he could feel all the patrons’ skin cells in the water. Terry countered that T.J. hasn’t felt her skin on him in two years. Terry warned T.J. that their relationship was over and that she was seeing Dr. Poole now. However, they could still continue their professional relationship with Terry acting as T.J.’s bookie. Since T.J. had no money to bet, they arranged this wager: If T.J. doesn’t save anyone this week, he’ll quit his lifeguard job and come to work for Terry.
Roy entered the breakroom and kicked out the customers so he could take his break. Dr. Poole entered, spraying the room (and Roy) with his mister. Poole said that he was worried about Roy, saying he could tell that there was something missing in Roy, like the wedge in Pac-Man. The metaphor got derailed as Dr. Poole tried to explain it, until Poole gave up and decided that a pie chart was a better metaphor. Roy remembered an incident from his childhood, when his father, a Coast Guard officer, took Roy to “Take Your Son to Work Day,” and tested Roy by simulating an emergency and telling Roy to save him…but Roy couldn’t. His dad was okay, since it was just a simulation, but Roy still failed. Dr. Poole was disgusted by Roy’s confession of failure, and suggested that Roy should feed himself to the birds.
Tyffani was in the park’s official intern apartment (actually the supply closet) when her grandmother Mumsy knocked on the door. Tyffani asked if the family had ever missed her after Tyffani’s mom moved away to protect Tyffani from the corruption of the family’s money. Mumsy replied that she’d missed Tyffani just like she missed her husband Craig. As Mumsy started reminiscing, Tyffani asked Mumsy to braid her hair as she told the story, since a tactile element would enhance their bonding. Mumsy started braiding Tyffani’s hair as she recalled how she and Craig founded the park many years ago, and ran it happily until Craig disappeared after an e. coli outbreak. After finishing her story, Mumsy treated Tyffani to some Nerds, though Tyffani wasn’t sure how to eat the candy since her mother had never let her have refined sugar. Mumsy offered to take Tyffani under her wing, declaring that Tyffani could be a great lifeguard. Tyffani protested that she was afraid of water, so Mumsy decided to make it her mission to help Tyffani get over her fear.
Martin called Roy and T.J. up to the roof to discuss the park’s bird problem, revealing that things had gone too far: a swarm of birds had attacked a 9-year-old and made him fall in the pool, getting water in his ear. Martin proposed using the pill bottle Mumsy had found to get rid of the birds. Roy wanted nothing to do with drugs, but Martin assured him that these were PRESCRIPTION drugs, so that’s okay then. As they tried to figure out how to get the birds hooked on the drugs, a pill accidentally fell into the park’s water supply. (“We just infected everyone!”)
Dr. Poole was spraying in the supply closet (“It smells of insecurity and Pall Mall in here!”) when Terry entered. Terry warned Dr. Poole that she would not let him seduce another intern, since she knows that interns find scientists irresistible, just like Bill Nye. Dr. Poole changed the subject by asking if Terry had the money that Tommy ‘T.J.’ ‘Torpedo’ Johnson owed him; upon saying T.J.’s full name, Poole started ranting that T.J. had too many nicknames, explaining that the only valid nickname is one that a bully or family member bestows on a person. Terry said she didn’t have the money yet, but would soon: “You can trust me, Ralph.” Upon hearing her use his first name, Poole shouted “How dare you?” Dr. Poole (or Dr. Ralph Poole Jr.) cautioned about ever mentioning the name of his father “whom I killed and consumed.”
Mumsy took Tyffani to the pool to acclimate her to the water. As Tyffani started to step into the pool, she fell in and started thrashing about. Roy dived in and rescued her (albeit a very chaotic rescue).
Afterwards, Roy entered the breakroom and was surprised to see that Martin was relaxing with some birds. Martin explained that the birds were also taking a break, as the breakroom was neutral territory. The birds left to give Roy and Martin some privacy, and Roy revealed that Tyffani had fallen into the water—the same water that the pill had fallen into. (“She’s gonna be hooked on Kaiser Permanente!”)
Dr. Poole was in his laboratory when T.J. entered. T.J. warned Poole not to underestimate him, saying that Poole isn’t the only smart person in the park; T.J. has a scholarship. Unimpressed, Poole demanded the money he’s owed. Poole attempted to intimidate T.J. by showing him his rack of dangerous test tubes, then drinking from one (“strawberry yogurt!”). T.J. informed Poole that Kaiser Permanente drugs had gotten into the water supply. Dr. Poole realized that the drugs would react with the chlorine to turn the birds into giant monsters. Poole declared that the only solution was to kill Martin LeDouche.
EMT Terry was treating Tyffani, who had swallowed a lot of drug-tainted water; Terry applied the Heimlich Maneuver, making her cough up Nerds. Regaining consciousness, Tyffani said that she had seen a prince or white knight who had rescued her. Roy arrived, and Terry pulled him aside to ask what was going on between Roy and Tyffani. Roy asked if she was familiar with Pac-Man, and after 45 minutes’ explanation of the metaphor, Roy finally got to the point and explained that Tyffani had fallen in love with him because he rescued her. (“Classic Florence Nightingale Syndrome.”) Suddenly, they noticed that Tyffani was starting to grow larger. Terry shouted “It’s a She-Hulk!”
Martin called the entire staff together for another alley rally. He explained that they’d have to close the park for a week to detox the water supply, and he took full responsibility for the disaster. However, he had good news: While the park is closed, he’d lured the birds into Manuel’s Cavern, where they’ll consume each other. Terry warned that there might be another possible outcome: the birds might tangle their tailfeathers together to form a bird king. Despite her concerns, Martin said that this is an opportunity for a fresh start, with no more bickering, profiteering, or self-recriminating. The entire staff joined hands in solidarity, except for T.J. and Dr. Poole.
TO BE CONTINUED…
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Martin LeDouche called the staff together for a meeting to introduce them to the park’s new mascot, Frankie the Fun-Time Frog. Everyone was thrilled to see their favorite childhood hero, with Dr. Poole declaring “It’s an honor.” Frankie explained that he wasn’t just there as a park mascot; he was also there to enforce health & safety standards, and to eliminate redundancies. Frankie took a paper from Martin and started to read the announcement (though he had difficulty reading through his mask) that one of the park’s most popular rides, the Deep Peek Underwater Creeper Viewing Platform, was closing because the “peeks” were broken, but a new ride (The Andre 3000 Experience) was opening in its place. When Martin tried to take the paper back to clarify the announcement, Frankie went off on him. Upset by being yelled at by a childhood favorite, Martin stormed off to cry and masturbate.
Mumsy LeDouche went to visit her granddaughter Tyffani in her “intern apartment” (the storage closet). Tyffani explained that she wasn’t sure of her role in the park, and didn’t even know who she should report to anymore; Mumsy replied that Tyffani could report to her. Mumsy encouraged Tyffani to assert herself, and Tyffani tested her confidence by yelling at a pool skimmer. Mumsy told her to take that confidence to Martin and demand a raise. Tyffani declared that she would do so…after Martin finished masturbating.
Later, Martin was inspecting the Swamp Hole ride when Dr. Poole came by to inspect the water levels. Dr. Poole informed Martin that “there’s a wonderful surprise” for the patrons at the end of the ride: “Whatever they got going on, it’ll speed it up.” When Martin pointed out that that sounded vague and dangerous, Dr. Poole assured him “It’s 100% safe, part of the time.” Martin challenged Poole to take the ride himself, if he was so confident. Poole revealed that the end of the ride is where he’s keeping all his chemicals. Martin was shocked, but Poole easily talked him into allowing it.
Mumsy and Terry, the park’s EMT and unofficial bookie, were watching the customers and rating their physiques. Mumsy lamented that she was once the queen of the park, but now her son Martin didn’t have any faith in her and had relegated her to running the Lost and Found. Terry pointed out that “Lost and Found is a good place to lose yourself, or find revenge.” Terry noted that the park was going downhill ever since Martin took over, pointing out that Martin was even re-opening the dangerous Swamp Hole ride. Terry offered to help Mumsy reclaim control of the park, and Mumsy could let Terry continue her work as bookie until Terry reached her goal of 100 bets.
Lifeguard Tommy ‘T.J.’ ‘Torpedo’ Johnson was talking to Frankie as a line of customers made their way through the park. T.J. declared that he’d idolized Frankie as a child, and offered Frankie a Mystery Flavor Fruit Roll-Up. To get the Fruit Roll-Up into Frankie’s mascot costume, T.J. had to give it to him mouth-to-mouth, causing a nearby kid to ask what they were doing. Frankie yelled at the kids, ruining their childhoods. Frankie thanked T.J. for the Fruit Roll-Up, but warned that it wouldn’t influence his decision. Frankie explained that he was there to cut redundancies, and the park might not need both lifeguards AND an EMT.
Dr. Poole was in his laboratory when Terry entered. Poole demanded the money that Terry owed him, but she replied that she was there for a more important reason. Poole warned her that his test-tubes contained every communicable disease in the world, but she countered that she had built up an immunity thanks to rescuing several patrons from the Swamp Hole. Poole boasted that it was all part of his plan; soon, the chemicals in the Swamp Hole would turn the customers into super-mutants. Poole threatened to take this news straight to Channel 2 and Monica Kaufman. Since Monica Kaufman was one of the few people Poole respected, he asked Terry what she wanted.
Martin was relaxing in the wave pool when Frankie the Fun-Time Frog popped out of the water and apologized for his behavior at the meeting. They admitted that they’d both been under a lot of pressure, but before they could bond any further, the waves in the pool started getting bigger and bigger until they both went under, with no lifeguards in sight.
Mumsy stopped by Tyffani’s apartment and found Tyffani depressed. As Mumsy comforted Tyffani, Tyffani noted that she’d never known the touch of a grandmother, since her mom took her away from the rest of the family years before. Mumsy told Tyffani about her plan to take over the park and bring it back to its former glory, with Tyffani as her assistant, but they would need to keep the plan secret. Tyffani was thrilled, since she’d never had a secret to keep before. They pinky-promised on the plan.
Having been rescued from the wave pool (but still suffering the effects of the chemicals), Frankie and Martin were recuperating in Martin’s office when T.J. came in to check on them. T.J. tried to help Frankie by offering him some Fruit by the Foot, but Frankie called it “gross” and protested that he only liked Fruit Roll-Ups. They asked why T.J. hadn’t been on duty to rescue them, and he explained that he was taking one last look at the Deep Peek Underwater Creeper Viewing ride. Martin asked if T.J. had even been listening when they explained WHY it was closed. Frankie harangued T.J., lecturing him on how badly T.J. had let them down. T.J. forced Fruit by the Foot into Frankie’s mask to shut him up.
Terry stopped by the concessions stand to talk to Mumsy, who informed Terry that she’d brought Tyffani into the plan to take over the park. Mumsy revealed that she had a key to the plan, both metaphorically and literally…she still had a key to the park’s main office, which hadn’t been opened for years. Terry exclaimed that not even a keyhole repairman had been able to open that door. Mumsy pulled out a bag of candy and showed that she’d hidden the key in a Gusher.
Dr. Poole stormed into the office and angrily yelled at the helpless Martin: “Why couldn’t you die instead of Frankie?” Frankie protested that he wasn’t dead, but Poole stated that it was only a matter of time, since the wave pool had been full of chemicals from the Swamp Hole. Martin tried (and failed) to stand up and confront Poole. Poole informed them that there was hope; one vial of chemicals in his lab was the cure. Martin asked if there was enough for both of them. Poole’s response was stony silence.
Mumsy and Terry went to the intern apartment/supply closet to tell Tyffani more about the plan. They tried to restore Tyffani’s confidence by taking off her glasses and letting her hair down to show that she’s been beautiful all along, but Tyffani didn’t feel any more confident—just blind. They tried to get her to assert herself with role-playing, asking Tyffani to pretend Terry was Martin and ask her for a raise. When Terry (as Martin) refused, Tyffani choked her with an inflatable whale. Mumsy declared “That’s a step.”
Afterwards, Mumsy visited the office to see Martin and Frankie. Even though he was dying, Frankie flirted with her, but Mumsy cut him off. (“Frankie Fun-Time, we had our fun time 15 years ago!”) Mumsy insisted that Martin wasn’t dying, he just had low blood sugar, so she force-fed him Sour Patch Kids and told him to do five jumping jacks. Martin tried to do jumping jacks despite being unable to rise from the floor, resulting in him knocking Mumsy down and getting all three of them tangled together on the floor. T.J. rushed in and separated all of them, then told Frankie that if he was here to eliminate redundancies, Frankie should fire Martin. Frankie pointed out that his more immediate concern was not dying.
Dr. Poole was searching for the cure vial in his laboratory when T.J. came in, also looking for the antidote. Poole realized that Terry had taken the vial, and T.J. rushed out to find Terry and use the vial to save Martin, and thus save his job.
Tyffani entered the office to check on Martin and Frankie. Frankie asked her to get him some champagne in his last moments, but since she’s only 18, she couldn’t serve alcohol. Tyffani broke down crying and admitted to her uncle Martin that she’d joined Mumsy and Terry’s plot to take over the park, but she couldn’t go through with it, since she had so little family left and couldn’t bear to lose either her uncle or her grandmother. As a demonstration of her loyalty, she suddenly snapped Frankie’s neck. (“I never killed a frog before, but today’s the day.”)
Terry was up on the high dive when T.J. climbed up to retrieve the vial from her (despite her protests that the board wouldn’t support their weight). T.J. pleaded with her to give him the vial for the sake of their relationship, but she retorted that they’d only fucked once, nothing more. As if fate were answering, a gust of wind blew them into each other’s arms. Again he asked for the vial, and she explained that she’d planned to take it to Monica Kaufman, expose Poole’s plans, and take over the park. T.J. countered that HE planned to use the vial to save Martin, and then take over the park himself. They agreed to place a bet on which one of them could save Martin and rule the park.
Afterwards, Terry rushed into the office and saw the carnage. She asked if Frankie was still alive; Frankie shrugged, and they decided it was a Schrodinger’s-cat situation. Terry offered to save Martin, but first asked what was in it for her. Martin offered to call a meeting and declare “Terry rules, Martin drools.” Unimpressed, Terry warned Martin that he was losing to a dead guy. As they talked, T.J. sneaked in, swiped the vial from Terry, and gave it to Martin. Before Martin could drink the vial, Terry swiped it back and poured it down Martin’s throat so that she could claim the victory. As Martin’s health started coming back, everyone else rushed in. Dr. Poole was shocked to see Frankie the Fun-Time Frog dead, and Tyffani admitted “I fixed him like a keyhole repairman.” After first shouting that the word she was looking for was “locksmith,” Poole informed her that “there was a man inside that frog.” Tyffani was shocked to learn that Frankie had been a man in a mascot costume and not an actual frog, but Poole reassured her that it wasn’t her fault, it was Martin’s. They held an impromptu Viking funeral in the wave pool, with Tyffani firing the flaming arrow to set Frankie ablaze. During the funeral, T.J. tried to take credit for saving Martin, but Terry pointed out that SHE had been the one to administer the antidote, and thus, under the terms of their bet, she now owned T.J. Shocked by all the bickering, Martin reminded everyone that they were all one big water-park family, and brought them all together for a group hug.
TO BE CONTINUED…
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Martin LeDouche called a staff meeting to inform everyone that they were re-opening the Wet & Wild AF ride for adults (the clothing-optional ride with spermicidal jelly in the water), but they would now be using its full name, “Wet & Wild Adult Fun,” because too many patrons assumed that “AF” stood for “Ass Fucking.” However, they were closing another ride, the Oakland Swimetery, because someone had been taking liberties with the skeleton. T.J. admitted that it was him, and that he might actually still have a bone up his dick.
Lifeguards Roy and T.J. met in the “intern apartment” (actually the supply closet), and Roy was amazed by all the stuff, since he’d never been in there before. They found a fancy whistle, much better than the ones they were issued, and they complained about their shoddy treatment. They started discussing Baywatch, and how disappointing their own lifeguard careers were in comparison. T.J. snatched up the whistle, saying that he’d earned it, only to accidentally break it off of its chain. T.J. admitted that he was stressed out and losing it. They both tried to calm down by simultaneously drinking from the same can of Arizona tea.
Martin was walking through the park when he ran into Ralph Guard and Ralph Guard Jr. of Two Wet Hunks freelance water park inspectors. Martin pointed out that the park had its own water inspector, Dr. Poole, but they weren’t impressed. Ralph Sr. boasted that they were the 4th and 5th generation of Two Wet Hunks, an old family business. Cowed into submission, Martin got on the intercom and made an announcement for the staff to fully cooperate. Ralph Jr. pointed out that the announcement wasn’t up to code, as the pitch didn’t meet announcement standards. Martin adjusted the pitch of his voice, but now Ralph Sr. accused Martin of making fun of Ralph Jr.’s voice. They informed Martin that they were going to inspect the hell out of every inch of the park.
Mumsy LeDouche was at her post at the Lost & Found when Dr. Poole came in and started rummaging through the Lost & Found box, telling her he was looking for his lost respect for her. They reminisced about their past relationship, many years ago…so long ago that Poole could be Martin’s father. Poole informed her that he was going to do her a favor by killing Martin to save the park. Mumsy protested that she didn’t want her son dead, she only wanted to take over the park. Poole insisted that killing Martin was the only way to achieve that goal.
Terry, the park’s EMT, snack-bar vendor, and bookie, was doing safety checks on her equipment when Ralph Sr. & Jr. arrived. Demanding to see their badges, she asked if they were legit or just bullshit. Ralph Sr. declared that their bullshit IS legit, going back 4 to 5 generations, ever since the first water park opened during Reconstruction. She asked if that meant that the Oakland Swimetery skeleton was their ancestor. Hearing her admit that there was a skeleton in a water ride, Ralph Sr. pointed out that was a code violation. Terry accused them of having planted that skeleton in order to CREATE a violation and frame the park, then realized that they would need a time machine to have planted it in the past. Ralph Sr. retorted that the only time machine they had was a clock, counting down the time until they shut down the park.
Martin and Mumsy were standing on the high dive, looking over the park, when Ralph Guard Sr. entered, bragging that he was going to shut down the park. Mumsy reminded Ralph about their past relationship, causing Martin to freak out. Ralph Jr. entered, shocking Mumsy with his existence. Mumsy accused Ralph Sr.: “You had a kid and you never even told me?” Ralph Sr. countered: “YOU had a kid and you didn’t even know it?” Hearing this revelation, Martin and Ralph Jr. embraced, declaring “BROTHERS!”
Dr. Poole was in his laboratory when T.J. kicked in the door, followed by Roy. Poole congratulated T.J. on his dramatic entrance, while calling Roy’s entrance “weak.” The lifeguards started to confront Poole, but they got sidetracked into a discussion of Baywatch. Poole turned the tables, pointing out that T.J. and Roy weren’t living up to Baywatch’s heroic image of lifeguards. Poole offered to make them “the strongest lifeguards ever” if they helped him kill Martin. Terry, who had been eavesdropping, entered and warned them that there might be a time traveler in the park. Poole and Terry got into an argument over theories of time travel, until they all got back on track and agreed to kill Martin. They all tried to join hands, but fell over in the attempt.
Martin called a meeting to inform the staff that “Every ride is temporary closed” because Two Wet Hunks had found the E. Coca Coli virus in the water, and that the entire staff would be laid off until they re-opened. T.J. asked if he could keep the whistle he found, and Martin was shocked to see that T.J. had broken the legendary Golden Whistle, and quite possibly brought a curse down on the park.
Roy went to his lifeguard station and found the Oakland Swimetery skeleton sitting in his chair. He started talking to the skeleton, discussing his friendship with T.J. Roy explained that their friendship had been solid like a rock, but now there were cracks appearing in that rock. Roy said that he might be good at saving people, but he didn’t know if he could save T.J….especially since T.J. broke that whistle.
Terry entered Dr. Poole’s laboratory to continue their discussion about time travel. She pointed out that Poole had a habit of mentioning “hypothetical” things that don’t exist yet, like something called TikTok. Poole insisted that time travel is impossible, citing the TV series “Cosmos.” When Terry looked at him as if he’d proved her point, he insisted “That’s something that exists now! It’s Carl Sagan, not Neil DeGrasse Tyson!” Terry shouted “Ah-HA!” As they argued, Dr. Poole accidentally stepped on a test tube, and Terry picked it up and held the broken glass against Poole’s throat. At shiv-point, Poole explained that he had to kill Martin to prevent the darkest timeline from happening (“I’ve seen a man with a brain worm taking charge!”).
T.J. arrived at the lifeguard station and found the skeleton sitting there. He started confiding in the skeleton, explaining “You’ve been inside me, I feel I can trust you.” He explained to the skeleton that he’d always looked to Baywatch for inspiration, hoping he could save people the way that David Hasselhoff did…but now he found himself wondering whether he could also kill people, perhaps even kill Roy.
Martin was sitting in his office when Ralph Jr. came in, mopping the floor as he entered. They had an awkward conversation, bonding over how similar they were in their lack of social skills. Martin asked if Ralph Sr. actually was a time traveler as Terry had speculated, and Jr. admitted that he didn’t understand a lot of what his dad talked about…so there was a possibility. They asked each other’s ages, to find out which of them was the older brother and thus who should look up to who; Martin said he was 30 and Ralph Jr. said he was 32. Martin said that he wished they could do brotherly activities like go on rides together, but all the rides were shut down. They decided that since Martin was in charge, he was free to break the rules…and they could break them together.
Mumsy was up on the high dive, reflecting on old memories, when Ralph Guard Sr. noisily “sneaked” up behind her. She asked him why he had REALLY come to the park, and he explained that he was looking for the missing bone from his ancestor’s skeleton. Mumsy replied “I think T.J. put it up his dick.” Mumsy changed the subject and confronted Ralph about keeping Ralph Jr.’s existence secret from her, especially since she didn’t remember even having another baby. Ralph explained that 32 years ago, Mumsy had passed out and given birth in the car; Ralph took the baby into the gas station to wash him off, and while they were inside, Mumsy woke up and drove off, never even realizing she’d given birth.
MUMSY: “I woke up bloated and covered in blood…I thought I’d just had a Hot Pocket!”
RALPH SR.: “You DID have a Hot Pocket, and its name was Ralph Jr.”
Ralph Sr. had another confession for Mumsy…he’s contracted the deadly, flesh-eating E. Coca Coli virus, and not even time travel could save him…but it COULD save Ralph Jr. He told Mumsy she needed to find that bone and put it back where it belongs, or else not only would the park be doomed, it would never have existed. Mumsy agreed to save the park.
Roy entered the supply closet, walking in on T.J. singing “X Gon’ Give It To Ya.” Apologizing for the intrusion, Roy said he’d just come in for a drink, but all they could find was suntan lotion. T.J. took a sip of lotion, then said it wasn’t as bitter as what he had to do next—resign. Roy tried to talk him out of quitting, reminding him of all their Baywatch memories, but T.J. insisted he couldn’t be a lifeguard anymore. T.J. started stripping off his uniform, while Roy attempted to stop him. In the struggle, Roy fell through the wall, landing with a spine-snapping noise.
Meanwhile, Martin and Ralph Jr. were engaging in some brother-bonding by riding down the closed Wet & Wild Adult Fun ride in a dual swim ring.
Further up the same ride, Mumsy and Ralph Sr. were also riding together as part of Ralph’s dying wish. Mumsy told him to hold on and to know that he is loved as he goes out.
Even further up, Dr. Poole and Terry were riding together and discussing what they needed to do to save the park: retrieve the bone from T.J.’s dick and restore it to its proper place.
And even further up, T.J. had gotten on the ride with the skeleton, thanking it for showing him see that he needed to leave the park and stop holding himself back.
When everyone reached to bottom of the ride, Martin called a meeting, telling the staff that by closing the park temporarily, it had helped them get back to basics. As T.J. announced that he was quitting, both Mumsy and Terry rushed him to retrieve the bone. Terry and T.J. got into a vicious fight, with Mumsy caught between them. Mumsy ended the fight by burning T.J.’s chest with her cigarette. Mumsy and Terry tackled T.J. and spread his legs, allowing Martin to remove the bone from T.J.’s dick. When Martin returned the bone to the skeleton, the time paradox resolved, and Ralph Sr. went back to the past, causing Ralph Jr. to fade from existence. In his place, Roy reappeared, having been brought back to life by the changing timeline. Not accepting that as an excuse, Dr. Poole harangued Roy for having been absent during the fight.
TO BE CONTINUED…
